


Pas de Deux

by Cuthwyn



Series: The Secret [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Ballet, Brotherly Bonding, Emotional Jason, Implied CSE, M/M, Self-Harm, Tim is a loveable stalker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:29:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6617920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick Grayson hunts down Jason to the rock he had chosen to hide beneath to beg for his help.<br/>A newly resurrected Damian is struggling to cope.<br/>Jason refuses to speak about his death anymore he just, can't. What he can do though is show his little brother how to live.<br/>It wasn't the art of killing that Jason learnt in Russia.</p><p>Or the one where Tim's spying causes him to question in sexuality!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jason Todd was Gotham's streets. There was no other way of looking at it. He lived and breathed the polluted air, cigarette smoke and petrol fumes.  
His in depth knowledge of the city proved useful when working a case. He knew the little nooks where someone could hide, the back alleys that would cut off a suspect, where any dodgy dealings usually occurred. If you needed Intel it was him who Gotham's most vulnerable populace would disclose information to. Don't even try and get a street kid to even look at you unless you wore a red hood or could drop his name convincingly enough.  
Jason Todd was Gotham's streets. It also meant that when the urge came to him, he could disappear without a trace. Slip silently away into the darkness and no amount of searching would unearth him, unless he wanted to be found. It's what kept him alive, it's what kept him sane, the art of disappearing.

This was what concerned Dick Grayson more than anything about his brother. Sure his volatile behaviour was unnerving, his recklessness jaw dropping, the anger frightening but when Jason disappeared? Dick stopped sleeping due to worrying about him. When Jason disappeared he wasn't just angry, he was hurting. An angry, hurt Jason left to his own devices was dangerous, to Gotham but more worryingly, to himself.  
Jason had done just that after Damian had been brought back to them. Dick knew his brother was there when Bruce had wrapped his arms around Damian, relieved and grateful to have his son back, to have saved him.  
Jason had watched the boy wipe the tears from his father's eyes and smile at him.  
Then he had gone, slipped away into the shadow of the night without anyone noticing.  
He probably thought that no one would remember that he had even been there, but his big brother did, and for the last four weeks he had hunted the man down like a thing possessed.  
Blind with worry and panic that although he had gotten one brother back he may well of lost another in the process, one he had already lost once before. The thought made him feel physically ill. Dick lost all sense of logic.

He had gained slight relief two weeks ago. Two weeks ago he noticed a familiar name go through Gotham airport. A Mr Roy Harper.  
At least now he had firm proof that Jason was still residing in Gotham, as the archer would not have come to the city unless it was in his own search for the missing Red Hood.  
Dick had managed to track his old friend for a few days as he moved from motel to motel by day and from safehouse to safehouse by night, looking for his Jaybird. By the end of that week though Roy Harper had vanished like Jason had.  
That was the deciding factor that his brother was still in Gotham. Roy would have left the city instead of disappearing into the belly of the Bowery.

It had taken another two weeks of searching for Dick to finally catch a sighting of Roy. Tailing the archer had proven fruitful as he watched the man slip through a window of an abandoned block of flats, just off of Crime Alley.  
After four weeks of worrying he finally felt a sense of hope. He would bet any money that this was where Jason was hiding.

Climbing through a barely functional window, Dick found his estranged brother fast asleep in a tangle of limbs with his ex-best friend. Although, God the place was dank and dreary, barely fit for human habitation. The couple passed out on a bed so old it looked like it might give way at any moment. How could anyone stay here? The thought that his brother could quite possibly have been living in this room of damp and peeling wallpaper turned his stomach.  
'Jason?'  
There was an answering groan and the young man rolled over, an arm flopping over an equally comatose Roy.  
'Jason wake up!'  
A sharp shout answered his call and in the blink of an eye Jason was awake and aiming a gun at him. Where did he even get that from? He didn't seriously sleep with one? Oh who was he kidding? This was Jason Todd, he probably slept with multiple.

Holding his hands up slowly, Dick offered him a calm smile and cocked his eyebrow.  
'Woah, woah it's okay Little Wing. It's just me.'  
'The fuck? You're dead?' Jason groaned, before flipping the safety back on and slipping the weapon under his pillow. 'You're alive! Ever heard of a phone Dickhead?'  
'Yes? Ever heard of answering it?'  
Jason scowled and opened his mouth to reply before a groggy voice interrupted him.

'Hmphf Jaybird? What's up? Dreaming again?' Roy mumbled, lifting a hand to squeeze his friend's bicep.  
'Pah, if only it were a God damn dream. Grayson's here. Back from the dead or where've the hell he's been.' Jason grumbled, shrugging Roy off self consciously.  
'What!' Taking a little longer than Jason to wake up Roy hauled himself up and blinked at Dick sleepily. 'What? Why?'  
'I'd like to speak with you, Jason.' Dick replied, eyes roaming the bared floorboards and holes in the wall, trying not to judge. 'In private. Please?'  
'What? Fuck no. You got something to say, say it and clear off.' Jason argued, throwing his arms out to the side dramatically to prove his point, forcing Roy to duck out of the way to avoid being struck. Dick couldn't help but stare at the autopsy scar the motion revealed and his already sore heart ached.  
'Please, Jason, please I wouldn't ask you this unless I had to. Please? I have no one else to turn to.'  
Picking up on Dick's desperate tone Roy groaned, flung the blankets off himself and got up, thankfully wearing lounge pants.  
'I'm gonna, go, do that thing. Jaybird, play nice.'  
'Thank you. It's nice to see you Roy.'  
Dick smiled as the rogue archer stumbled past him. Throwing his old friend a venomous look Harper shoved a t-shirt hastily over his head.  
'The feeling is not mutual, Grayson.' He spat before slamming the door behind him.

'Ooh burn Dickie.'  
'Shut up Little Wing. I've not come here to fight with you.'  
'Keep calling me that and you will do.'

Closing his eyes Dick counted slowly to ten before refocusing on Jason, who was now lighting up a cigarette and leaning back against the headboard. He smoked those things on purpose, just to annoy him, Dick was sure of it.  
'So? What is so dire you have to rise from the dead,break into my safehouse and bother me at stupid o'clock in the morning? Ain't you got an equally resurrected Babybat to play with or summit?' Jason mocked, not able to hide the frown when his brother shot him an utterly desperate, miserable look.  
'I can't.' Dick mumbled shifting uncomfortably on the spot. Taking a drag Jason shook his head and blew smoke in his brother's direction.  
'Can't what Dickie? Function without cereal? Coulda told ya that years ago.'  
Deflection. Sighing Dick raised his eyes to look at the broken Robin and smirked knowingly. Deflection was so tedious when it was present in his brother's every other sentence.

'You know why Jay! No one else knows I'm alive! Damian is hurting and I can't help him. By your reaction I'd say you already knew and knew this visit was coming.'  
Scowling Jason ran his spare hand through his hair and took another drag from his cigarette.  
'Maybe. Don't mean I give a rat's ass though. Now,please, for the love of God, will you all just leave me the hell alone?'  
Another waft of smoke hit him and Dick couldn't stand there and do nothing any longer.  
Gritting his teeth, Dick stormed over and plucked the offending cancer stick from his brother's mouth and stomped it out on the floor.  
'You're not smoking those things whilst talking to me!'  
Fine. I'm not talking to you. So there's no problem is there, Dickface?'  
Jason yelled back, before stropping out of bed and moving to lean against the window on the opposite side of the room.  
'Please, I'm begging you Dick okay? Leave me alone. I'm sure the brat is very upset, but guess what? Dying does that.'  
Dick watched Jason close his eyes and lean his head against the window pane. Dressed in just a pair of black boxer shorts, his wide array of scars were illuminated in the moonlight. They all had their fair share but Jason's always seemed far more, brutal. His eyes fell on some stitched up gashes on Jason's arms and inner thighs, some looked quite fresh. Long and even, deliberate.  
Oh Little Wing, not again?  
Dick swallowed against a dry throat and averted his eyes, fighting the urge to just run over and gather his Little Wing up in his arms, hold him until he was better again. Glancing back at those cuts, he knew that the action would not be welcomed and he would be holding him for a very long time.

'I can't go back to Ethiopia Richard.' Jason finally mumbled, lifting solemn eyes to gaze up at the night sky.  
'I'm sorry Bruce made you do that. I'm not asking you to-'  
'Physically or otherwise. I can't talk about that shit anymore. I- just can't.'  
Turning he opened his palms and raised his head, eyes focused and sad, so very, very sad.  
'Look at me. I can't take it anymore Big Bird. I'm sorry okay? I can't help the kid. How could I possibly help when I'm like this? You have no fucking idea.'  
Dick nodded and moved to stand opposite his brother. Taking a deep breath he reached out and touched one of the healing cuts on his brother's arm.  
'Please? Just one last time? I know you're hurting Little Wing, I don't understand but I know. You have dealt with so much all by yourself. No one else can reach him. Are you really going to let him suffer the same fate?'  
Pulling his arm free Jason shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest self consciously, he made his way back to bed.  
'Leave. Now Dick, before I do something both of us will regret.' He grumbled, getting back into bed, he turned away and pulled the covers over his head.  
Dick nodded solemnly and opened the window.  
'Damian needs his big brother, Little Wing. Just like you did. You think this hurts? Try adding that guilt to it to boot.'

Jason didn't respond, he didn't hear his brother leave, he didn't hear Roy come back in and close the window. He didn't feel the mattress dipping with added weight, he barely felt the arms wrapping back around him, the warmth of another along his back.  
'Jaybird? You okay buddy?'  
Roy's voice filtered through the dark, heavy fog that had settled on him. Blinking, Jason carried on staring straight ahead. He didn't know he was even crying until his friend reached to wipe the tears away.

'Do you wanna talk about it?'  
Jason shook his head.  
'Okay, that's okay.' Roy mumbled softly pressing his lips against his hair. 'Stupid question, but are we going back to sleep?'  
Another shake of the head and Roy sighed, settling himself behind Jason and tucking his friend's head beneath his chin.  
'Okay. We'll just lie here for a bit yeah? Y'know we should paint a where's Waldo on that wall. It'd be far more entertaining for you.'  
'Idiot' Jason muttered and Roy smiled and gave him a squeeze.  
'Heh, I haven't completely lost you then? Awesome.'


	2. Chapter 2

When the dark heavy fog hit, Jason would spend hours just staring at the phone. Terrified that someone would ring, he'd somehow find the energy to answer, and then the family would know how badly he was doing, but also a conflicting terror that the phone would never ring, that he'd be left in his fog forever because no one cared to check up on him.  
The other thing that he hated about his phone was that whenever the family did ring, it was never to check up on him or to just say hi and have a chat. They always wanted something or thought he had done something. More and more often lately he found himself wishing one of them would just ring to say hi.  
Ever since he had refused to help with Damian, Jason's phone had rung. Jason had just stared at it, too terrified but numb at the same time to answer. He knew what they wanted and he knew he couldn't give it. He couldn't do what was being asked of him. He was too weak and he just wished that the ringing would stop. In hindsight, he preferred staring at a silent phone and never knowing. In the end, Harper had confiscated it and had taken up the role of gatekeeper, telling the family (well, Dick, no one else bothered to call) to fuck off in no uncertain terms. Not that a single word was listened to. Dick was a slow learner.

'What have I told you, Grayson? Stop fucking calling him.  
I don't care if the sky is falling and Jaybird has the God damn sellotape.  
Leave. Him. Alone. He's not well.  
No,what fucking planet are you on?  
No,Jaybird doesn't want you to pop around. I mean, pop around? What ya gonna do?Bring cake?  
No. Dick listen to me. Jaybird doesn't want to talk to you.  
Jesus dude, you pretended to be dead. Jaybird actually died, think about it!   
He doesn't want to see you and - Holy Mary Mother of Mercy he doesn't want fucking cake!'

Closing his eyes, Jason pulled the blankets up over his head and decided to pretend not to exist, lately he had grown quite talented at pretending not to exist. It was all he was good for anyhow, not existing. Everyone would be better off.  
'Jaybird? It's okay. He's gone and I've turned the phone off. Come out for me?'  
Roy didn't pull the blanket away like others in his life would of done, for that, Jason was thankful. In his own time, he gradually poked his head out of his sanctuary to blink blankly at Roy, who pursed his lips and brushed a hand through Jason's greasy mop of hair.  
'Hey there, Beautiful. We gonna get up today?'  
Jason closed his eyes and shook his head. He should, the logical part of his mind knew that he should. He'd been in bed for days now. People got out of bed and did things. Normal, not crazy, people got out of bed and just functioned. All Jason managed was a shake of his head and that was him pretty much done for the day.  
'Okay. I made you some lunch?'  
Another shake of the head. He was on a roll today.  
Pursing his lips Roy shifted his weight where he was crouched down and ran his fingers through his partner's hair again. Sure he'd seen his Jaybird like this before but he never got used to it. This time though was worse, much worse than he'd ever seen before.  
'Jaybird, you gotta eat summit. You can't not eat. Please? Just try?'  
'Feel sick.' Jason mumbled, his voice weak and raspy from disuse.  
It was so much more than that, but he couldn't find the words to describe how he felt. In truth he didn't even understand it himself, it wasn't feeling sick. When you felt sick you could point out where it hurt and someone could make it better. Feeling sick was the closest he could come up with though.  
'I know Jaybird, I understand. I do. Just, try? Three spoonfuls, that's all I'm asking. You managed two sips of water last night, come on.'

Opening his eyes, Jason almost managed a smile when he realised what Roy was holding in his hands. Catching the first reaction he'd seen in days Roy smiled big enough for the pair of them and cocked his head.  
'Chicken soup, your favourite, Jaybird.'  
'Alfred. Only if you're sick.'  
Chucking Roy nodded along and cast a glance down at his offering in amusement.  
'Yeah. Sorry dude I'm afraid Mr Heinz made this one. If you close your eyes and pretend though, I reckon it'd taste just like Alfred's?'  
The fog lifted slightly and Jason managed another nod before swallowing and looking down at himself.  
'Gotta sit up.'  
Nodding Roy placed down the soup and physically manoeuvred Jason so he was propped up on the pillows before joining him on the bed with it. Jason made no move to claim the spoon. He just stared at the warm liquid blankly, as if he would cry if he could bring himself to do even that.  
'It's okay, Jaybird.' Roy soothed, smiling as he lifted the spoon to his friend's lips. 'For me?'  
Letting the spoon pass through his lips, Jason swallowed dutifully before closing his eyes again.  
'Idiot.'  
'Huh, and why's that Jaybird? Don't you like my cooking?'  
Swallowing another mouthful, Jason cast a look down at the soup.  
'Microwave is not cooking.'  
This earned an amused chuckle off Roy, who placed a peck on his cheek.  
'Ain't all of us culinary geniuses like you, Jaybird.'

'Idiot.'  
Jason grumbled again, taking another mouthful of soup before inclining his head to indicate that he would eat more.  
'For putting up with me. My bullshit.'  
Swatting Jason lightly over the head with the spoon, Roy scowled and waggled a finger at him in a way that normally would have earned a good old belly laugh off the second Robin.  
'I'll have none of that talk. You shut ya damn mouth and eat y'five star soup like a good boy.'  
Sighing, Jason looked like eating more was really the last thing in the world that he wanted to do but he forced himself to keep at it. Before he was even half way through the bowl though, Jason grew tired as the heavy fog resettled around him.  
'It's okay. You did good, Jaybird. Come on, let's watch Netflix for a bit yeah?'  
Roy smiled as he placed the bowl on the side and dragged out the laptop. Resettling himself next to Jason who had returned to staring blankly at the wall.  
'Why're you here?'  
Kissing Jason's cheek again Roy slipped a hand between his and squeezed tightly.  
'What did I say about that talk? You're my Jaybird, now, enough, or Ima gonna make you watch the entire last season of Lost.'  
'I hate you.'  
'Love you too, Jaybird. Now ssh.'

The next day Roy managed to coerce Jason out of bed and into the bath.  
Chucking slightly when his Jaybird wrinkled his nose at the strawberry scented shampoo he massaged into the younger man's hair, Roy snuck a peck onto Jason's collar bone.  
'Not a fan of bubble baths and strawberries?'  
'Gonna kill you.'  
'Uh huh, well, at least you won't smell like ass when you do it, head back.'  
Tipping the beaker of water through the thick, wavy hair he couldn't keep his fingers out of, Roy watched Jason's face; how the tension around his eyes eased with the warm running water.  
'Why are you here?'  
Jason almost groaned, leaning back full against against Harper's chest and closing his eyes as Roy's hand got busy with a flannel and soap.  
'What did I say about that talk?'  
Grunting when the flannel reached his thighs, Jason shook his head and swallowed heavily.  
'No, why are you here too?'  
''Cause I'm stinky too' Roy grinned, making a point of draping an arm around Jason to wash his pectorals. 'Plus, you still need lots and lots of cuddles, and I'm damned if that head of yours is going under that water.'  
'Yeah, but why in the bath? With me?' Jason questioned, turning his head slightly to study Harper's poison tattoo before realising what he'd admitted to. 'And I don't need cuddles.'  
The idiot just grinned and dipped his hands back under the water to finish off washing him.  
'They don't call me the Scourge of Gotham for nuttin'' He grumbled, bringing his leg up slightly so the hands could reach his feet.  
Humming Roy nodded before burying his nose in Jason's hair and inhaling deeply.  
'The Scourge of Gotham who smells like strawberry, real scary Jay.'  
'Harper, I swear to God!' Jason grumbled, normally he would have whacked him one but the chest he was leant against was warm and comfortable. Safe.

Roy was content to just lie there and let his Jaybird dose, this was the brightest he'd seen him since tracking down his sorry ass and he could only hope it meant he was starting to come up again. Pursing his lips he returned the soap and flannel, being careful to keep quiet as he wrapped his arms around him.  
'Jaybird?' He whispered after a little while, listening to Jason moan and nestle further into his chest.  
'Jaybird? Come on, let's get you out before you shrivel up like a raisin.'  
'I like raisins.'  
Chuckling Roy shook his head and leant his cheek against Jason's hair.  
'Come on. We can't stay in here.'  
'Watch me.'  
'Jaybird? How about I make a nest on the couch and we'll watch Pride and Prejudice?'  
This caught the young man's attention and a pair of teal eyes opened to give him a wary look.  
'1995 one?'  
'Which other one could it be!'  
Jason frowned at this and shook his head.  
'Erm, quite a few Harper?'  
Rolling his eyes, Roy pushed against Jason slightly to move him forwards, before exiting the tub, tugging his friend along with him. Plonking the loveable moron on the toilet seat, Roy promptly began drying him off, pausing to boop Jason's nose, grinning at the scowl he got in response.  
'I know there's more than one. Jesus Jaybird, always so literal. I swear you're on the spectrum.'  
''m not on the Autistic Spectrum.'  
Jason stropped as a pair of lounge pants here hauled up his legs and was then promptly dragged through to the living room and sat down on the couch. He quite clearly was now being being ignored. 

A few moments later, Roy returned with an armful of blankets, including Jason's favourite comforter, arranging them around a sulking Jaybird, he killed the lights before slipping down behind him to watch the film. Jason didn't complain when a pair of arms pulled him back to lie against that chest again.  
'Roy?'  
'Yeah?'  
'Are they right? Am I mad?' Jason whispered fearfully, eyes widening slightly as he watched the ladies hand embroidering as the opening credits started.  
Holding his Jaybird tighter, Roy sighed and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.  
'I'm afraid you're entirely bonkers, but all the best people are.'  
'Paraphrasing Carroll, now?' Jason asked with a slight smirk.  
'Huh? Who?'  
'Never mind.'  
Rolling his eyes, Jason sighed, his thumb stroking his comforter as he watched Elizabeth Bennett do her thing.  
'B saved him.'  
He mumbled with a voice so emotionless it was almost haunting  
Pursing his lips, Roy closed his eyes tightly, hearing and feeling how Jason's breath stuttered.  
'I know, Jaybird. I'm sorry. You are alive. Focus on that. Focus on us, tonight, yeah? Can you try to do that for me?'  
Jason nodded, the hand that wasn't stroking the blanket reaching to grab hold of Roy's.  
'Me and you?'  
Smiling Roy chuckled and pressed his lips against Jason's cheek. He was being allowed to kiss him and awful lot more lately.  
'That's it, me and you, Jaybird.'  
Watching the British adaption of the romantic classic, Roy let himself begin to drift off, knowing that Jason would follow suit.

Neither of the vigilantes were overly sure of how much time went by but slowly, painfully slowly Jason managed to pull himself out of his 'fog' as he so often called it. Roy couldn't help but marvel at him, to go so low, so fast, and be able to get out of it by pure willpower was a strength few possessed, a strength Jason was completely oblivious to.  
Raising a hand to block out the sunlight Roy woke up to find himself alone in bed. Frowning he clambered out and immediately fell back onto the mattress with a pained yelp. The glass of water that had sat on Jason's side of the bed now lay on the floor smashed to pieces. So that's what had woken him up.  
This was the downside of Jason coming out of a slump, as his mood lifted, his anger rose it's ugly head too, and sometimes he found it hard to control it.  
Huffing a breath, Roy tugged out a shard of glass, relived to find it was only one and the cut superficial.  
'Jaybird? You okay?' He called out, his only reply was a worrying silence.  
A text message on his phone caught his eye, reaching over to his side of the bed he unplugged it and blinked at the sender in surprise. It was Jason.  
'Didn't want to wake you. I'll clean up the glass when I get back. Angry. Gone to cool off. Be back for lunch - shall I bring Sushi back? J x'  
Cool off? Frowning Roy started a frantic text message wanting to know exactly where and how Jason was planning on cooling off when he noticed that the IPod speakers were missing.  
Tip toeing around the broken glass, Roy flung open the closet to find that Jason's bag had gone, along with a certain pair of shoes he kept hidden behind his Red Hood gear.

Smiling all worry vanished. Jason was safe, all was okay.  
It was just that the second Boy Wonder would prefer to have his Red Hood found and to be outed to the world than have his true secret revealed. The real explanation as to how Jason Todd managed to pull himself back together each and every time, without fail.  
Grabbing his own suit he made to go get changed. 

Roy also knew that the Batfamily were still on his case and like fuck he was letting those narrow minded idiots ruin the one, truly healthy, coping mechanism Jason had.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah ... in retaliation of seducing my girlfriend to the idea of Ballerina!Jason, she may, just may have swayed me to the idea of atleast playing with the idea of Jason having tattoos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This dance is actually my inspiration for the entire fic.
> 
> http://youtu.be/IAFmXljybeg

The Grind was a little independent coffee shop nestled in the heart of the Bowery. Crime Alley was around the block, so it was close enough to keep the press at bay, but far enough away that you could drink your coffee with only a 70% chance of being stabbed.  
The inside was just as dark and broken as the exterior, a true representation of not only the city, but the neighbourhood it resided in. Only half of the lights worked, the gender signs were missing from the toilets so you had to just close your eyes and hope, there were dodgy looking stains that looked an awful lot like dried blood and the tables held a wealth of damage and graffiti.  
For Timothy Drake it was the perfect place to hide, and despite its looks and appalling name, the coffee was amazing. Being in the Bowery he was free to drink his latte in peace, sure he was recognised but no one bothered him. Everyone in these parts just kept their heads down and minded their own.

Leaning back in the booth by the window, Tim took a sip of his coffee and swept a mildly interested glance at the passers by before returning his attention to the trio of teenagers in the booth opposite. They were a classic example of Gotham's poverty, stick thin grubby bodies dressed in ragged clothes either too small or too big for them. Their anti-social behaviour and the fact that Tim had watched the group rummage around in their pockets for loose change, before coming up with enough for a single milkshake and a sandwich, suggested that they were street kids.  
Their conversation drifted from random nothings, to some quite intriguing information that Tim found was quite useful for a few cases he was working on. If there was one thing that Jason had taught him it was how useful street kids were. They were practically invisible to all aspects of society, a blight no adult wanted to acknowledge existed, thus a whole array of things were said and done in front of them without a second thought.  
Taking another sip of coffee,Tim grit his teeth in frustration when the teens silenced their conversation regarding a local drugs ring, when the waitress approached them. Little eyes widened when the woman produced three slices of chocolate cake before walking away.

'It gotta be eaten today or it goes in the trash. Now, eat up and get lost. You're frightenin' away my customers.'  
Snorting the teens grinned and took grateful bites out of their offerings.  
'Aw come on. The rich kids still 'ere?'  
'That's not Tim Drake, Stevie.'  
'Is so.'  
'Is not. Why would up sorts like 'im be in 'ere?'  
Hiding a smirk behind his latte, Tim lifted his eyes to look at the boy who was apparently called 'Stevie'.  
A dirty,mop of blonde hair framed his face, he looked no more than about 13. Clearly the youngest of the group and hardly ever listened to. Boy, could Tim sympathise with that one.  
The boy huffed and folded his arms, casting a glance over at Tim, who winked at him and pointed at the coffee as explanation for his presence.  
Grinning Stevie offered Tim a small wave before returning to talking with his friends. The boy was half way through his cake before he lifted his eyes again to look out of the window and his jaw dropped.

'Tigs? Tigs! Look, look it's the Hood!'  
Groaning 'Tigs' who seemed around 16 and the oldest, looked out of the window too. Recognition sparked in his eyes before he shook his head and studied the table.  
'Bro,ain't everyone who wears a hoodie the Hood.'  
'But I seen 'im before, innit.'  
Tigs shook his head and took a sip of milkshake. The same expression on his face that Jason wore when he was hiding something.  
'Anyone who's gully's seen the Hood, ain't nuttin' special, na'mean?'  
Pouting, Stevie shook his head and slammed his hand down on the table.  
'Am dead-ass that was the Hood, Tigs! I seen 'im without the mask!'  
Raising an eyebrow Tigs looked down at Stevie's hand threateningly.  
'You don't wanna take it there, Stevie. Shut ya damn mouth and eat y'cake like a good boy.'

Frowning Tim glanced out of the window. A young man, was stood across the street bent over slightly as he lit up a cigarette, a black rucksack slung over his shoulder, his face covered by the red hood of his hoodie. Tim however would recognise the leather jacket anywhere.  
His suspicions had been raised with Tigs' reaction and the jacket confirmed it. The young man walking down the sidewalk as if he owned the place, was none other than Jason Todd.  
Hitching his breath he was up and making to leave the coffee shop when a yell of.  
'Oy! Pay ya damn check!'  
Halted him in his tracks.  
Eye widening, Tim glanced from the waitress to his half drunk coffee and quickly dug in his wallet for a note and placed it on the table. He didn't have time to find the right amount of money, he couldn't lose Jason.  
'Sorry. Thanks. Keep the change.' He called over his shoulder before almost running out of the door.

Sighing the waitress stropped over and tutted at the $50 bill before picking it up with the coffee.  
'Fucking rich boys. Don't even know how much a cuppa coffee costs.'  
The woman grumbled as she changed the note and slammed the money down on the street kids' table with a scowl.  
'There. Now clear off.'  
The three teens looked at each other before grabbing the cash and darting back out into the streets, taking their cake with them.  
'Told yous it was Tim Drake.'  
'Shut the fuck up, Stevie.'

Tim followed Jason for another couple of blocks, making sure to keep far enough away to stay beneath the overly vigilant young man's radar. Although judging by Jason's body language, Tim needn't be trying so hard to be sneaky, Jason was distracted, his hands fidgeting by his side as he strode down the street. Where ever he was going he had a purpose and a place to go.  
That worried Tim ever so slightly, what the hell was he up to?  
He had been keeping tabs on his predecessor. The way he had left after Damian came back concerned him and he'd made sure Jason was at least eating until Roy Harper had shown up. The teen had left him be after that. If anyone could look after his brother, Roy could, he knew when he wasn't needed. 

Pursing his lips as he watched Jason slip inside a boarded up warehouse, he deduced that he must be feeling better if Jason was now out and about and probably up to no good.  
He couldn't follow him through the boarded up entrance though, he'd be spotted.  
Tim eyes travelled up to the glass less window just below the roof before casting a defeated glance down at his $730 dress shoes, $900 jeans and his favourite light green, $280 shirt. He really had not come out dressed for scaling buildings.  
Deciding that it was only money, Tim moved over to the warehouse and began the climb, wincing only slightly at every scuff and ripping sound he heard.  
The warehouse hadn't been used in years by the look of it, in fact the building was so derelict it was almost falling down. Jason had told him once that he felt calmer when he was alone in broken places, that he found a beauty in them no one else saw. Maybe that's why he had come here?  
Leaping from the window to one of beams up in the rafters, Tim perched in his spot and peered down into the main room looking for his brother. There.

Oddly, Jason was knelt in the middle of the room, head hanging forwards with his eyes closed, hands clasped loosely between his legs. He was completely alone, and, wait, Jesus Christ was he naked? Shaking his head Tim looked closer only to realise to his relief that no, Jason was not naked, he was however, stripped right down to what he could only describe as flesh coloured cycle shorts and on his feet a very worn, tatty pair of ballet shoes. Ballet shoes?  
Before Tim could even try and process why on earth Jason was wearing Ballet shoes, a ticking caught his attention. For a split second he thought it was a bomb until 'Take Me To Church' by Hozier started playing, he actually quite liked the song and could see why Jason would listen to it.  
For a few seconds Jason swayed slightly as if getting accustomed to the music. Lifting his head he ran a trembling hand through his hair, if his eyes had been open he'd have looked straight up at Tim.  
Suddenly Jason swished a leg out to the side and lifted himself up on one arm, the other extended in a matching line to his leg, fingers spread as if desperately trying to reach for something, before falling back onto his back like a starfish, feet perfectly pointed. His chest pulled up in what seemed like dramatised symbolism of trying to breathe. Occasionally pushing up on the balls of his feet to emphasise the movement.  
Watching his brother writhe on the floor, Tim's eyes widened at the gloriously beautiful phoenix tattoo on Jason's chest, sitting above the 'V' of his autopsy scar, barely visible beneath the twirling smoke which rose from beneath the shorts he wore. He never knew that Jason had tattoos.  
The music changed tempo, getting to his feet at 'command me to be well' his brother finally opened his eyes, the look in them familiar. Wherever Jason was, he wasn't in the warehouse anymore. It was the same look he had when he experienced flashbacks of his death, the look in his eyes when he'd threatened Tim's life. In the past it was frightening, now? Now it was heartbreakingly breathtaking. The controlled, out-turned steps giving that look strength instead of fear.

Dick Grayson, breathed grace, the way he flew through the air and twisted his body with such careless control was astonishing, but that was nothing compared to watching Jason Todd dance. It seemed criminal that such a sight was hidden from the world. However,Tim felt like a witness, a trespasser inside his brother's mind, a mind he had always tried to understand. Now it was being lain before him in the form of pirouettes, leaps and battements, pointed feet and steps that seemed impossible to create.  
Jason was not Dick though, God no. Every movement Dick made was perfection. Jason's dance was an outwards portrayal of what he could not find words for. Each step a tortured unspoken agony, each arm movement a crippling sadness, tendons trembling with controlled anger.  
Instead of every turn and leap being finished perfectly, Jason would stumble. Once, he even cradled his head as he flew though the air before falling down. What he was trying to say took away Tim's breath and he wasn't sure he had even blinked since the music had begun.

Jason pulled up into an arabesque, with perfect lines, and Tim found his eyes wandering along his strong muscular thighs, the tense abs working overtime to keep him upright, biceps bulging as he held his arms in fourth position. A position that took so much work to maintain which Jason held with an air of ease.  
Ballet. Tim had always been told and always believed it to, be a rather feminine art. He'd always declined Bruce's invitation to go see the Ballet with him. Prancing about in tights and gemstones? Not really his deal. But this? This was as far from prancing as you could get.  
Watching Jason leap into the air again, Tim swallowed hard and adjusted his trousers. No, Jason was not only challenging that belief but trampling all over it with those pointed feet. What Jason was doing was nothing but pure masculinity. A raw, pure expression of a young man, laying himself bare, digging out his deepest, darkest demons and dancing with them. Becoming one with himself to music and agonising movements.  
There was nothing sweet about it. 

Suddenly he felt the air rush from his lungs and he was thrown back up against a beam.  
'What the hell are you doing here?' Roy hissed, his face screwed up in fury.  
Swallowing,Tim pulled his eyes away from Jason to look at the fuming archer and adjusted himself again.  
'Q-questioning m-my sexuality?'  
Roy growled before grabbing hold of the teen with both hands and slamming him back against the beam, pinning him there with his body.  
'I told you lot to stay away. What are you doing here, Timothy?'  
Tim let out a surprised squeak before closing his eyes and swallowing again.  
'Yeah. Yeah, definitely questioning my sexuality.'  
Roy frowned when the teen gave him a heated look and let go sharply.  
'Tim? When was the last time you went to bed?'  
Biting his lip, Tim looked up through his eyelashes and shrugged a shoulder.  
'You offering to take me to bed, Harper?'  
'Hell no!'  
Taking a large step back Roy pointed at his spot before pointing at Tim.  
'I'm staying over here, you stay over there, Kid. Jesus.'  
Closing his eyes, Roy cast a glance at Jason to make sure he was undisturbed before glaring back at Tim.  
'Why are you here?'  
'I was just checking he was okay? I was in a coffee shop, saw him walk past. He looked upset so I followed. Then- well- er- then this happened and I think I'm gay?'

Sighing Tim slumped down to sit on the beam, mesmerised by his brother's dancing.  
'No masters or Kings' had Jason rolling back down to the floor again. Legs stretched outwards he raised his hands as if to stop an attacker, before flopping down to his side and rolling onto his back.  
His movements sharp and jerking as he writhed on the floor again, crawling along it as if trying to get away from something.  
'He's in Ethiopia.' Tim muttered more to himself than to Roy who nodded and sat down next to him with a heavy sigh.  
'Yeah, he dances like this often.'  
He mused, joining Tim in watching the performance.  
'It's a darkness he can't talk about, not properly. Not to anyone.'  
'Yet, here, dancing, he finds beauty in the brokenness'  
A tear rolled downs Tim's cheek, followed by a couple more before the teen wiped them hastily away. He understood Jason's words to him now, and the revelation hurt and soothed him all at the same time.  
'He's alive down there. He's alive, Roy, look at him!'  
Jason had now left the floor and was pirouetting for so long Tim wondered how on earth he kept up the momentum, never mind not getting dizzy. Just as he thought Jason would stop, his brother broke away to spin off in a flurry of leaps and his jaw just dropped.  
'Quite something ain't he? Shoulda been around when he taught Kori how to dance. Those two dueting? Man, I still see that in me dreams dude.' Roy mused with a smirk, eyes following Jason across the floor.  
'The murder victim and the child slave ... Hmm, sounds explosive.'  
'Yeah, that too.'

Chuckling Tim shook his head and sighed solemnly, eyes focused back on his brother's dancing.  
'I'll go, now you're here.'  
'What?'  
Smirking at Roy's shocked expression, Tim shrugged a shoulder and motioned towards Jason.  
'Like you said, he doesn't want to see me. I understand that. I wouldn't want to be the reason Jay stops dancing. It's obviously a secret and I know what's he's like about secrets.'  
To be honest, Roy wanted to kiss Tim Drake in that moment.  
Who knew? Out of all of Jason's family, he was the one that got it. After countless conversations he'd had with Dick since this began, stating the same thing over and over again, it was like a glass of water to finally find a brother who understood. Who would rather Jason got better than ram their presence down his throat.  
'Thank you.'  
Was all he could manage to say.  
A pair of blue eyes lifted to his and Tim looked so empathic Roy almost believed he could see into his very soul.  
'You love Jason. You look after him and I can't thank you enough for that. I kept an eye on him but, being only able to do it from a distance, I was concerned when he got worse. When I found out that you'd found him? I knew he was in safe hands. So no, Roy, thank you.'

For the second time in as many minutes Roy was speechless. Tim had been keeping an eye on Jason all this time? Trying to make sure his brother was okay without actually being there. The boy deserved a medal and by those bags under his eyes, a decent nights sleep.  
'He really is captivating and so strong.'  
Tim was back to gazing at Jason again and Roy found himself nodding.  
'Yeah. Yeah he is that.'  
'Before I go. I've got to ask. Is that a screwdriver in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'  
Waggling his eyebrows playfully Tim stood up as if to move away, watching as Roy gave him a wink and reached in to his trouser pocket.  
'Sorry to disappoint ya, Kiddo.'  
There in the archer's hand, was in fact, a screwdriver.  
Bursting out laughing, Tim's eyes widened when he leant back and lost his balance. Before Roy had a chance to catch him the teen toppled off the beam and went crashing down to the ground.  
Closing his eyes when he heard a startled yell and Tim's pained yelp, Roy could only imagine how quickly this entire situation was going to go south.

Ntit


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments!  
> With studying and clinical practice I struggle to reply but be rest assured I love reading them all!  
> Hopefully one day I'll have my life back and will be better at responding

Jason finished his dance on his knees. Inhaling deeply he closed his eyes and ran a hand through sweaty hair, trying to ground himself and reassociate with reality. His task was aided, rather rudely, by his teenage brother literally falling out of the God damn air and landing on top of him. Crying out in surprise, Jason lashed out blindly, still not fully back in the present yet.  
Shaking his head, Jason pushed himself up to his feet and scowled at Tim who was crumpled on the floor nursing a bloody nose.

'The fucking fuck? You sneaky, conniving little shit! Get a good look did you? Have a good laugh? What? Now you're gonna scamper off home to tell 'Dad'? Fuck you! FUCK YOU! Why won't you all just leave me the fuck alone?'  
Jason roared fists clenching as he rounded on Tim and gave him a hefty kick to the side. Glaring as the boy yelped and instinctively curled in on himself. He didn't however, miss the way his brother's eyes travelled up and down his body despite his apparent pain.  
'Take a picture. It'll last longer.' Jason grumbled, his anger simmering away to shame as he properly came back and suddenly felt very conscious about his exposed body. He knew how Dick looked at him, eyes always staring at his scars, making him feel like a freak show.  
Spluttering slightly, Tim tried to staunch the blood with the sleeve of his shirt before gazing back up at his brother in awe.

'S-Sorry Jason. I was leaving but Roy made me laugh and I slipped. I won't tell anyone I swear. You're really good and I never knew you had tattoos.'  
He stumbled over a botched together apology before scrambling up to his feet with a nervous laugh.  
'Roy?'  
Frowning Jason looked up from where Tim had fallen to see Roy waving sheepishly at him from a beam. Oh the twat was going to pay big time for this cock up. Accidentally blowing up a government base was one thing, letting his little brother catch him dancing was another.  
'I do like your tattoos Jason. Can I lick one?'  
'What!'  
Turning sharply back to Tim he watched the teen's eyes widen, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, a blush dusting his cheeks.  
'Oh fudge. I just said that out loud. Didn't I?'  
'Yeah, yeah you did.' Jason replied, a deep frown set across his face as he studied the teen in a mix of anger, confusion and now concern.  
'When was the last time you went to sleep, Tim?'  
'I dunno. It was dark?'  
Tim said, eyes still fixed on the phoenix on his brother's chest. Holding out a trembling hand he looked up at him warily.  
'May I? Please? It's so beautiful.'

Jason blinked at him in a stunned silence. Tim wanted to touch his tattoo? Okay, that in its self was weird, but what he couldn't get over was Tim's smile. His brother noticed everything. There was no way he could have missed his scars, especially the autopsy one but he seemed completely unfazed by them.  
'Don't lick it.'  
Huffing a laugh, Tin nodded before leaning forward slightly, tracing his fingers along the bird's fiery, red wings. Eyes wide in awe and admiration.  
'Beautiful.'  
He said that word again and Jason felt himself bristle under the unusual and admittedly slightly creepy praise. Only Roy or Kori had really ever touched him like this before and it was unnerving. It caught Jason off guard and he really didn't know how to respond.  
'Out of the ash, I rise with my red hair, And I eat men like air.' Tim muttered wistfully.  
'You know Sylvia Plath?'  
Tim obviously hadn't meant to have spoken that out loud either. Swallowing Tim nodded before looking up at Jason through his eye lashes, his blush deepening.  
'Doesn't everyone? The detailing is exquisite. Whoever did it was very talented.'

NoddingJason cast a glance over his shoulder at Roy who had come down to join the pair of brothers.  
Eyes widening in realisation, Tim retracted his hand, if he noticed Jason tense when his fingers accidentally brushed the ridges of the autopsy scar he made no reaction as such.  
'Oh.'  
'Everyone okay down here? Sorry Jaybird, he was leaving I swear. Erm, Tim? I think your nose is broken?'  
Roy frowned at Tim's bloody nose in concern, just as Jason gasped and drop to his knees in front of his brother.  
'Fuck. Tim I'm sorry. Just, don't jump on people in future 'Kay?'  
'Yeah. Ow!' Tim hissed as Jason examined his nose before pinching it with his fingers and manoeuvring his head down.  
'Keep your head down moron. Sheesh what did the big man teach you?'  
Replacing Jason's fingers with his own, Tim smiled before snatching his spare hand out to catch Jason's forearm. 

There was another tattoo. This one a blood red, arrow, the words ' we are all fools in love' made up the fletching and, like the phoenix, the colouring and detail was amazing.  
'Pride and Prejudice huh?'  
Jason nodded slowly, watching his brother flick his eyes up towards Roy, his grin growing.  
'Did Roy do this one too?'  
'Yeah. I did 'em all.' Roy replied looking more than a little proud of his artwork. 'That was the first.'  
'B had ago at Harper for getting the stupid tattoo. Y'know his usual bullshit about distinguishing marks blah blah blah.' Jason grumbled, looking down at his arm, running a finger along the arrow head.  
'So you permanently marked your own skin in retaliation? This is my surprised face.' Tim retorted, looking down at Roy's arm questioningly. 'Stupid tattoo?'  
Grinning like the devil, Harper pulled off his glove to reveal a red bird on his forearm.  
'A Jaybird?'  
Tim gave Jason the same look that was usually given to fluffy things like bunny rabbits.  
'Aw that is so sweet.'  
'Nope. It's stupid.'  
'You have an arrow on your arm, Jay.'  
Looking from Roy's to Tim's inane grins, Jason scowled and pointed threateningly at his brother.  
'Stop it!'  
'Stop what?'  
'That.'  
'What's that?'  
'You. Just stop being you, Tim!'  
Smirking Tim folded his arms and cocked his head in amusement.  
'Sheesh, calm down Jay. It's not like you and Harper are married or anything.'

Roy looked from Tim to Jason, his heart melting when for the first time since Damian's return, Jason smiled.  
Not just smiled but properly smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkled and suddenly a chuckle escaped his lips. Man, if he thought Red Robin would have had this effect on his Jaybird he'd have dragged the kid over weeks ago. Instead of focusing on the past, scars, and what not, Tim chose to focus on tattoos. He knew that Jason felt uncomfortable with him knowing about the ballet so he didn't mention that either. Tim took an interest in his brother and Roy was struck by the thought that Tim didn't realise it himself. Jason had told the teen that he found beauty in brokenness, it appeared that his little brother possessed the same ability.

 

'My muscles are getting tight.' Jason mumbled, shifting his weight on the balls of his feet uncomfortably. As much as Tim seemed to have made some solid footing with his brother, Jason felt as happy about the concept of him watching him cool down as he did with the prospect of having his tattoos licked. In fact, he probably would prefer having his tattoos licked.  
Sighing Roy dug around in his pocket before chucking the car keys at the teenager who caught them effortlessly.  
'Here Kid, go wait in the car. I'll drop you back home once Jaybird's done.'  
Looking down at the keys in his hand, Tim shrugged and looked back up at his brother.  
'It's alright. I can walk.'  
'Fuck off. Kid like you in this neighbourhood will get eaten for lunch.' Jason grumbled much to Tim's dislike, who actually stamped his foot and pouted.  
'Really? 'Kids' like me do just fine, Jay.'  
'Babybird, get in the damn car before I put you in the trunk.'  
Sighing Tim looked from Jason to Roy before flinging his head back and stropping off.  
'This is ridiculous.'

Smirking as the teen flounced off, Roy leant against the wall and watched Jason doing his stretches.  
'He's a good kid, that one.'  
'S'pose.' Jason grumbled, shooting a look at Harper over his shoulder. 'Enjoying the view?'  
'Maybe? I don't have two screwdrivers in my pocket.'  
Roy replied with a boyish grin, arms folded across his chest he chuckled at his own private joke.  
'Like you're bothered.'  
It was a statement more than a question. Jason meant it. Watching the man lean over one of his legs to grab hold of his ankle,Roy frowned and shook his head.  
'Huh?'  
'Oh don't play games with me, Harper. I know when someone just ain't interested anymore. It's fine. Just tell me. We're friends.'  
Roy blinked at Jason's back, stunned for moment, before closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He seriously had to have this discussion with him?

'You haven't been well, Jaybird.'  
'So? Why does that make a difference?'  
Jesus really? Was the man honestly that clueless? The fact that Jason was even asking was actually quite concerning. It's not as if he was a blushing virgin, far from it. So far from it, Roy didn't like to think about it overly hard.  
'I've been waiting for you to get better.' Roy muttered, watching Jason straighten up from stretching and cock an eyebrow at him.  
'Huh? Why?'  
Frowning Roy stepped forwards, boxing Jason in against the wall he reached up and wiped away a droplet of sweat from the man's brow.  
''cause I wanted to wait until you could decide that you actually wanted to. If I'd asked? You might of said yes because you were grateful.'  
'R-Roy-'  
'I don't want you to feel grateful, I want you to love me.'  
Roy spoke softly into his ear, hand trailing up and down Jason's side gently, causing the man to squirm and gasp for air. Jason's sides were always deliciously sensitive.

Huffing a breath, Jason dragged his bottom lip through his teeth and looked up at Roy with wide, teal eyes that spoke volumes of what Jason wanted to say in response.  
'I-I fuck.'  
'Hmm Mm'  
Roy chuckled moving to run his lips across Jason's collar bone.  
'I trust you, Harper.'  
Jason finally managed to gasp, pulling at his partner's hair as he dragged him down to his lips.  
'I trust you too, Jaybird.'  
Roy assured him, fingers dancing over the hem of the ballet tights.  
It wasn't what Jason meant but he knew those three words the broken Robin would probably never say. Roy could live with that though, he saw it everyday regardless, in Jason's actions, the looks in his eyes, the way he dances.  
Reaching down to slip his hand beneath the tights, Roy grinned at the heated look he was being given and cocked his head.  
'I don't think you've cooled down enough.'  
Smirking Jason dragged a breath through his teeth, wiggling his hips to aid the fingers slowly tugging the tights down, that hugged his thighs so tightly it should be illegal.  
'Y' gonna help?'  
'Hmm, I suppose I can take one for the team.'  
'Bastard.  
'Ass.'

How long were they going to be?  
Once Tim had managed to figure out where the hell Roy had parked the car. Tim had chosen to sit in the backseat and dig out his phone to pass the time. It was now pushing 15 minutes and he was still waiting.  
Maybe the pair of renegades were setting up the place to blow? Frowning at this, Tim worried his lip and cast an anxious glance back towards the warehouse. That doesn't explain why neither Jason or Roy had shown up yet. They were known for cocking things up.  
Oh God. What if they had tangled themselves up in the bomb or were stuck inside whilst he just sat and watched them blow to smithereens?  
As much as Tim tried to reassure himself that that scenario was completely idiotic, he could get it out of his head. That and a whole host of other near death situations the couple could find themselves in.  
Nope. Nope it was no use. He was going to have go back inside and just make sure everything was alright. No one was getting hurt because of his inaction, he wouldn't allow that.  
Swallowing down a knot of anxiety. Tim opened the car door with trembling hands and stepped out.  
Casting a look up at the large derelict building he jogged over to the entrance.

Slipping through the gap in the boarded up door, Tim frowned at the grunts and moans coming from the main room. Had Roy and Jason been attacked?  
Tim suddenly felt a rush of guilt at the thought that he had been sat in car, doing nothing, while his brother had needed him. He knew something wrong.  
Picking up his pace ,Tim rounded the corner before stopping dead in his tracks.

Jason was pushed up against the wall, one leg slung over Roy's shoulder, finger nails digging into the archer's back as he groaned into his shoulder.  
'R-Roy. Roy.'  
There was a hint of panic to his voice until Roy leant back slightly, cupping Jason's face and peppering it with kisses, not letting up on his thrusts.  
'Hush. I'm here. Never leaving. So good. You're doin' so good.' He mumbled, eyes closing when Jason seemed to tense beneath him. 'That's it. For me Jay. Let go.'  
Tim watched, slack jawed as Jason came completely undone, crying out as he came, burying his face in to Harper's shoulder with a small cry of 'Roy.'  
Swallowing Tim looked down at the ballet tights pooled on the floor around Jason's ankle.  
Yeah, his brother was getting along just fine without his help.  
'Boy, I have no hope of ending today, straight.' He muttered under his breath, wide eyes watching Roy fuck his brother through his orgasm before chasing his own.

It didn't take much longer for Roy's pace to judder, fingers reaching to coil in Jason's hair as he climaxed.  
His brother closed his eyes and swallowed heavily, claiming Roy's lips as the man continued to rock inside him.  
'I trust you.'  
Jason muttered into his ear before opening lazy eyes to look directly at Tim.  
'Didn't 'Dad' ever tell you it's rude to stare?'  
The calm, pliant look that Tim had never really seen in Jason's eyes before vanished and Tim couldn't stop staring. He couldn't get his mouth to work either, that just just hung open making him look like a complete moron.  
'Huh? Wha?' Roy replied sleepily, lifting his head he followed Jason's line of vision and spotted Tim. 

Shouting in surprise, Roy's face matched his uniform as he quickly pushed away from Jason, pulling up his pants with shaking hands.  
'Fuck Tim!'  
'Hmm, you've just done that to my brother?'  
Tim found himself saying before closing his eyes and mentally cursing. He really, really needed to squeeze some more sleep into his schedule somewhere.  
'Why did I just say that?'  
'Really? You spied on us, us, well, doing that, and you're worried about what you've just said? What is wrong with you?'  
Roy gaped at the teen in horror, scrubbing a hand down his burning face.  
'Heh. Who knows? I'm pretty sure B has had him tested. Maybe I just whacked him a little too hard one time?'  
Scowling at the remark Roy turned on Jason who was slouched against the wall, tights still keeping his ankle warm.  
Seriously? The way the young man was surveying the scene with a half lidded gaze and a lazy smile, anyone would think that he hadn't just been caught in the middle of sex by his little brother. He wasn't even trying to hide the evidence of what they had just done, instead letting it drip down his abs and thighs, clearly enjoying the uncomfortable look his little brother was giving him.  
'Fucked up. You are both fucked up!'

'Again, that's more Jay than me. In both respects. Seriously, Tim, shut up.'  
Chuckling at his brother's inner torment, Jason finally bent down to pull up his tights, ignoring the jock strap entirely.  
'Yes, Tim, shut up. Also be a lamb and chuck me, me stuff? It's behind you?'  
Frowning, Tim finally turned away and cast a glance at the black rucksack and the small pile of clothes and boots next to it. With a small nod he shuffled over and collected the stuff before moving to hand his brother his belongings. Trying hard to look anywhere but at the mess on his stomach.  
'I- erm- tissues?'  
'Covered' Jason replied instantaneously, holding up a small packet of tissues from within his bag before fishing out some deodorant.  
Leaving his brother to make himself presentable, Tim sauntered off to go stand by Roy who still was bright red.  
'I'm sorry.'  
'So you should be. I mean, Jesus, I told you to sit in the fucking car Tim!'  
Nodding Tim shrugged, a blush of his own dusting his cheeks.  
'You took a while. In was worried something was wrong. That Jay was in danger.'  
Roy suddenly forgot about his embarrassment. He knew the look in Tim's eyes, a dark, constricting anxiety. It was a hard blow of reality for him. Jason wasn't the only Bat with issues. Hell, the term Batfamily might as well be a definition for the word 'issues'.

Roy opened his mouth to reassure the teen before Jason strode over and shot the boy a seething look.  
'Oh yeah 'cause we're all so fucking worried about Jason huh?'  
Tim blinked in surprise at his brother's outburst, he'd been in such good spirits moments ago?  
'Excuse me?'  
'Oh don't play the innocent Tim in doesn't become you. You followed me to spy, admit it. It's not like you've bothered to even pick up a phone since we got Damian back? Would it have killed you, any of you, just to say hi? None of you give a shit unless you want something or I'm the bad guy!'  
Shaking his head in confusion, Tim shot a questioning look at Roy, before frowning at Jason who was now slinging his bag over his shoulder angrily.  
'Y-You,you wanted me - you wanted me to say hi? Jason?'

Shaking his head Tim felt like he'd been dunked in the icy waters of Gotham's docks. He knew Jason had been struggling. He had kept away and stayed silent because he thought that's what Jason wanted. The man yelled until he was blue in the face that he wanted to be left alone and Tim had lost count of the amount of times his estranged brother had damned his very existence.  
Tim could do nothing more than just stare back at Jason blankly. First he discovered that he danced, now he was being told that his presence had been wanted? Tim really didn't know how to process this information overload.  
Taking the teens silence, the only way Jason could, as rejection. The young man closed his eyes and set his jaw before storming off.  
'Yeah. Thought so.' Pausing he threw a look at Roy and shrugged. 'I'll walk. Take the brat home for me?'  
'Jason, I'm sorry. I thought- please I-'  
'I don't wanna hear it. I can't do what Dick wants me to do. Just, leave me alone. Pretend I'm dead. I'm sure it won't be too hard.'  
With that Jason left, if there had been a door it would have slammed behind him. Tim just stared after him, mouth slack in shock. A grounding hand rested on his shoulder.  
'Come on Kid. I'll take ya home.' 

'Jason wanted me to say hi.' Tim muttered to himself, fingers ghosting over the dashboard thoughtfully as Roy sped along Gotham's streets. Roy could have just dumped him at Wayne Tower but he felt the need to talk down the boy before he abandoned him. Also Alfred was apparently a fab hand at dealing with traumatised teenagers:  
The young man looked over, watching the teen worry his lip, blue eyes teary with a far away look.  
'Yeah.'  
In all honesty that's all Roy could think of to say. Of course Jason wanted his family to say hi? Sure he said opposite but his Jaybird said a lot of things? Especially when he wasn't feeling to great. He was a person, with emotions. Sure the Bats were hardly known for their in depth knowledge of the E word but surly they got that? Jason told him he hated him five million times a day. Hell some of the stuff he had said to him during this slump had been just plain nasty. If he'd of taken any of his crap on board he'd have hightailed it ages ago.  
'He don't mean it'

'Huh?'  
'He don't mean it, Tim. If there's one thing you need to know about your big brother? It's that he's a damn liar.'  
Roy explained. He probably could have put his point across a little more eloquently than that but he honestly didn't know how so he just decided to roll with it.  
Tim blinked at this, as if the idea had just occurred to him, before gazing out of the windscreen as the manor came into view.  
'I guess Jason lies about a lot of things. How do you know what's a lie and what isn't?'  
Shrugging Roy pulled up a few yards from the gates driveway. Like hell he was actually going to drive up to the fucking front doors and be all chummy. Taking the hint, Tim inclined his head in and opened the door.  
'Thanks, for the lift.' Pausing he turned back to look up at Roy with wide pleading eyes. 'I meant it. I won't tell anyone about the ballet. Please? Please will you tell Jason that? I know what the family is trying to make him do and I don't agree with it. I never agreed with any of the stuff the family have done to him recently. It wasn't fair to make him go back to where he died. We could have gotten to Damian without that and we will again. Please Roy, tell him I want no part of it.'

Sighing Roy closed his eyes and shook his head, grip tightening on the steering wheel. Since when did he become the Batfamily counsellor?  
'You been listening to a damn word Jason has said? Tell him yourself, Kid. I ain't starting no game of Chinese whispers with you lot. Now, get out before I get the big angry Bat out here wanting to know why I have yet another of his Robin's in my car.'  
Tim hitched his breath before nodding sadly and climbing out. Bending down to look at Roy as he went to shut the door he grinned mischievously.  
'Maybe you should start up a Robin loyalty card?'  
Gritting his teeth Roy, groaned and leant his forehead against the steering wheel. Holy Mary Mother of God what the fucking hell did Bruce do to these kids?  
'Tim. Shut my god damn door and go the fuck to sleep.'


	5. Chapter 5

'Fuck Roy.' Jason gasped, hands coiling into the bedsheets, toes curling.  
'What y'think I'm doin'?' Roy retorted, sharply snapping his hips to prove his point.  
Groaning Jason closed his eyes and met his thrusts. This had been the first time he'd slept with Roy since the little showdown he'd had with Tim nearly three weeks ago. He was hardly the most intimate person on the planet, hell if he was brutally honest with himself, when it came to sex he could take it or leave it. He remembered what he'd said to Roy and he'd meant it. It didn't matter to him if they had sex or not. That wasn't how friendship worked in Jason's mind, it wasn't how, love worked. Sure sex was a way of expressing that love, an enjoyable way, but there were other ways of expressing that which were just as fun in Jason's opinion. He's wasn't sure if feeling so blaze about sex was yet another part of him that was broken or not? The rest of society were far more obsessed with it and sometimes he did feel like he was broken. He wasn't straight, he wasn't gay, but bisexual didn't really sit comfortably either. He'd tried to ask Roy what he thought he was but his friend had just chuckled and given him a kiss on the forehead.  
'You're Jason you idiot.'  
The statement didn't really make much sense to Jason but he just rolled with it. If neither Roy or Kori were fussed about 'what' he was then maybe, just maybe, he could try not to be so bothered by it too.

'Few, more, weeks. Then Kori will be here.' Roy muttered, hot breath against Jason's ear before the redhead dipped his head down to suck a mark on Jason's neck, who groaned in response.  
'Fuck yeah.' The younger man gasped, reaching up to rug at the hair which flopped over Roy's face.  
The couple spent the next few minutes lost within in each other. Both riding high on the closeness of just being with another until a faint tapping came at the bedroom window.  
Jason seemed not to notice the sound. Roy however frowned and lifted his head, ceasing all movement entirely.  
'Roy?'  
'Sssh!'  
'What? Is it something I did?' Jason asked, his face etched with worry and concern when his friend shushed him again.  
'Listen!'  
The faint tapping came again and Roy turned to look across at the window. There sat on the window ledge, waving sheepishly, was Red, freaking, Robin.

'Why do birds suddenly appear? Every time you are near?'   
Roy groaned, leaning forwards to rest his forehead against Jason's chest. Yet again feeling his cheeks burning, at least last time he had had some form of clothing on.  
'What?'  
'Just like me, they long to be, close to you.' Roy almost sobbed.  
Frowning , Jason pushed up onto his elbows.  
'Um, dude? You okay? What's with the romantic songs? You ain't gonna propose are ya? Oh!'  
Lifting his eyes he saw Tim smiling at him from the window and felt the fires of hell burn in his belly.  
'The little fucking shit. I'm gonna kill him. Roy, I'm gonna kill him!' Jason roared storming over to the window with a face like thunder. He didn't trip whilst pulling on his boxer shorts although both Roy and Tim would say otherwise.  
'Jaybird, you get blood on the carpet, you gotta clean it up.'   
'What? No 'please don't kill your kid brother Jaybird'?'  
'Fuck no. Have at him.' Roy grumbled before stomping off in a hasty exit for the bathroom.

Tim grinned at him with hazy eyes when Jason threw open the window and glared.  
'You need help. Serious psychological help!'  
Smirking Tim cocked his head at his brother thoughtfully.   
'Why are you here Red Robin? Six words or less!'   
Jason growled watching as his brother shifted his cape to reveal a very bloody shoulder.  
Well, that explained the hazy look in his eyes.  
'Got shot. First aid kit?' Tim asked counting the words on his fingers before cocking a knowing eyebrow at him. 'Please?'  
Frowning Jason totally did not by any of this bullshit and cocked an eyebrow of his own.   
'Really? You got yourself shot and decided to come here? You have a safehouse a couple of blocks away. Are you insane?'  
Wincing, Tim gratefully stepped into the apartment when Jason made way for him and threw a glance back at his older brother.

'I'm not the one with sectioning papers.'  
'Want another bullet to match the one you've already got Tim?'  
'No, not particularly.'  
Tim mused as if he had just been offered a cup of tea, his eyes slowly travelling down Jason's body.   
'But if you could get that first aid kit, that would be great.'  
With that the teen waltzed off into the living room and sat down on the couch as if he had actually been invited around or something.   
Jason could be angry, he really could, but watching his brother pull off his domino mask and cast a look around his surroundings, what little blood that was slowly returning to Jason's brain could only come up with one singular thought. What the fuck Tim?  
Throwing his head back in total exasperation, Jason accepted his fate, if a little grudgingly and shuffled off to the bathroom.

'Just me. Need the kit.' Jason called out to his friend as he made for the bathroom cabinet and hauled out their rather large med kit.  
'Huh? Why?'  
'Tim's been shot.' Jason replied, casting a sneaky glance at Roy as he did so.  
'Erm Jaybird? When I said 'have at him' I didn't actually mean it!'  
'I didn't shoot him, Harper. Some other fucker beat me to it.'  
Roy straightened up and smiled at Jason.   
A worrying smile.   
It was the same smile that Tim was wearing as he currently bled all over the couch. Jason had a horrid feeling that the pair had some sort of ruse going on and he didn't like it, not one bit.  
'What you grinning at, Harper?'  
'Nuttin. Just think it was a good plan. Who better to go to with a bullet wound than the Red Hood? The kid's got smarts.'  
Jason hummed at this before hauling the box of medical goodies into his arms and plodding back out into the hall. He didn't like that statement. He had a feeling it had a double meaning. A meaning he didn't quite get. 

Tim was still sat on the couch looking around when Jason sat down next to him and opened up he kit without a word. The teen cast another look around his brother's apartment. It was small. The main light in the living room didn't work and was lit by a single standing lamp, there were no carpets just a few rugs thrown on top of bare floorboards. The place was clean though and tidier than his place by far. Despite the obvious damp, the apartment even smelt nice, like Sandlewood. Yeah, yeah that was definitely Sandlewood he could smell. His eyes fell to the incense burning away on top of the TV.  
'Nice place you have here, Jay. Very, er, bohemian. I like it.'  
Jason leant back and studied Tim long and hard, as if trying to gage of he was being truthful or not, before nodding stiffly and going back to setting up the things he would need.  
'Sorry. Usually tidier. Harper has done most of the housework. I er, er'  
'Haven't been too good lately? The Fog you call it, right? Your depression?'

Jason froze.   
For a moment Tim thought he was going to get angry and tell him to leave, but instead his brother just lifted a hand towards Tim.   
'Strip. Can't get bullets out through Kevlar.'  
Jason lifted blank, teal, eyes to watch as his little brother nodded before trying and failing to work the clips and buckles of his suit with one hand,only succeeding in removing his boots, cape and getting more blood on the couch. Without a word he reached to help his brother undress, jumping back when Tim gasped and bristled at his touch.   
'S-sorry. I, I was- trying to help?' Jason mumbled, snapping his hand back and averting his eyes. 'I'm sorry.'  
'Jay?'   
Reaching out Tim took hold of his hand and squeezed gently. Smiling when his brother's eyes jumped up to his, searching.  
'Hey, it's okay. I wasn't expecting you to help me, that's all.'  
'You weren't?'  
'No.'  
'Oh.'  
'If you could help me though. I'd really appreciate it. Jay?'  
Tim's smile grew when Jason nodded and moved his hands slowly back to Tim's suit.  
The whole experience was tense and awkward. Both brother's not daring to look at each other.  
The only thing to break the silence was a hiss of air between Jason's teeth when the wound was revealed.

'It's still in there, Tim. I'm gonna have to take it out.' He muttered before looking back at the med kit and at his little brother again with doleful eyes. 'I ain't got no painkillers, or erm, anaesthetic.'  
Tim blinked, just blinked at his brother.   
What? What vigilante worth their salt didn't have the most basic medical requirements?  
'I won't use them and you know Harper can't. Hang on.'  
Getting up again Jason disappeared and fumbled around in what sounded like the kitchen before reappearing with a bottle of whiskey.  
'Drink this.'  
'You don't have anaesthetic but you've got booze?'  
'Harper don't know that I know 'bout it. It's his motivation. Just drink the damn whiskey Tim.'  
Frowning Tim grabbed the bottle and took a tentative sip before spluttering and pulling a face.  
'Bleugh. It tastes disgusting.'  
'That's why you chug it. Don't sip it, Tim, it ain't lemonade. Jesus. I knew that when I was seven!'  
Deciding to not really think about why a seven year old Jason would of known how to drink whiskey, Tim took a deep breath and downed a mouthful, coughing slightly still as the burn hit the back of his throat.  
'Holy - How does anyone drink this? For- fun!'  
Chuckling, Jason tapped the bottle to indicate that the teen should keep drinking and lit up a cigarette before pulling on latex gloves.  
'Really? Eber heard of *hic* aseptic technique, Jay?'  
'You want that bullet out? Shut y'damn mouth and drink ya whiskey like a good boy.'

That was obviously some sort of saying from Gotham's streets. Tim had a sneaky suspicion he'd heard Batman say similar to local thugs before now. Hang on, was that where the saying came from?

Taking another swig of whiskey, it actually wasn't too bad now he was used to the foul taste and the burn, Tim studied the med kit before frowning up at Jason.  
'Jay? What do you do when you gets shot den?'   
Tim may be getting slightly tipsy now but he didn't miss the way Jason's eyes slid to a bottle before concentrating on prepping his shoulder; now he was sufficiently intoxicated. Frowning the teen reached for it and stared with wide eyes.  
'Iodine!'  
'Hmm, infections a killer. Heh.'  
Swallowing thickly Tim shook his head and placed the bottle down.  
'No. No Jay, that would hurt.'  
'Well, yeah?' Jason grumbled, blowing out a puff of smoke as he collected the tweezers. 'Hold still, this is gonna sting.'  
Tim's eyes flew to his brother's arms. The thin, straight scars and a few newer ones which looked only a few months old, around the time Damian came back.  
'Figures. Y'know there's more fun ways for stuff to hurt? I can show Harper if you like?'  
Jason paused and this time it was his turn to blink at Tim in shock.

He had been in Arkham when Dick found out. He'd seen the cuts on his arms and played hell at Arkham thinking it was the result of an attack, until a nurse took him to one side. He'd been horrified.  
Now, Jason tried to hide it from his brother and pretend not see the lingering looks. He gritted his teeth and repeated Shakespeare on a loop in his head whenever Dickface started his lectures or pleading laments. Tim though just cast another look at the scars before sighing and shaking his head, fingers digging into the couch to brace himself.  
'Come on then, brother dear, lets get this over with.'

Jason swallowed and nodded. He didn't really know what to do with himself. Tim was quickly finding out that he was a lot more messed up than just an angry guy with a gun, but his brother was just, accepting it. Yeah, that was the right term, accepting. He didn't make out it was okay, hell no, the look he gave his arms told him that much. Tim didn't look at him like he was a crazy person either. It was more than a little odd, so Jason decided to ignore it and just get on with getting the bullet out of Tim's shoulder.  
When the tweezers dug into the torn flesh, Tim's knuckles turned white as he gripped harder, a pained, high pitched, screech leaving his lips. It wasn't a scream. A normal teenager would have screamed but the life they lead? You quickly learnt how to handle a little pain.  
Jason had to use every ounce of his self control not to pull back and apologise. To keep digging around until he found the bullet and promptly tugged it out to clunk on the coffee table. Humming in approval Jason began the task of stitching the wound up.

'I try not to.'  
'Huh?'   
Tim gasped, clearly not understanding that Jason's mind was still on the last conversation they'd had. Jason himself didn't understand why he was still obsessing over it? Why he felt he needed to give the kid a damn explanation?  
'The hurting myself thing. I try not to.'  
'I'm glad to hear it.' Tim mumbled watching the needle pierce his skin and damn it all he did genuinely look pleased. 'Guess it gets hard not to sometimes? I get that.'  
'You don't Tim. You're not a fuck up. Not like me.'  
'Sometimes I think I could be happy, if only I could find the energy to smile.' Tim mumbled, eyes stubbornly, studying his shoulder when Jason paused and blinked down at him in astonishment.  
'You may find I understand a lot more than you give me credit for Jason.'  
'Babybird? You okay?'  
Winding as the dressings were applied, Tim sighed and nodded, lifting baby blue eyes to look up at Jason and Jason hated the look in them. Tim was different to him, the replacement, Bruce's new and improved, not bat shit crazy, model. His little brother shouldn't be allowed to look like that.  
'I'm doing okay. Still alive. I didn't come here to talk about myself.'

The bottle of whiskey lifted to the teen's lips which Jason quickly snatched away. The need for pain relief had passed. He was just feeling shitty and no way was his little brother learning that particular coping mechanism on his watch.   
'Then why are you here, Replacement? Don't think for a second I buy this getting shot crap.'  
'Because you said you wanted me to say hi? Because you're not okay. Are you Jason?'  
'He hugged him. He brought him back to life and hugged him and I-'  
Cutting himself off, Jason eyes boggled at the realisation of what he had just said. In front of Timothy Drake of all people, who now will most probably run right back and tell 'daddy'.  
'You couldn't help wishing it had been you. Believing that Bruce will never hug you.'  
Woah.  
Dick never listened, he tried he really did but Jason's big brother always ended up being just that, big brother. He'd reply with home truths and well meaning lectures that just made Jason feel worse. Roy and Kori listened, empathised, only pushed him as far as he wanted to go.  
Tim however was a new breed entirely.  
He cut through to the crux of the issue just like Dick did but the way he held himself, the tone of his voice and look in his eyes, made Jason feel just as safe as he did with his teammates.   
The feeling caught Jason off guard and he didn't like it. Not one bit. Standing up sharply he began packing away his supplies.   
'You eaten, Kid?'  
He didn't even have to look to know that his pain in the ass little brother was shaking his head. It was self care and even he knew that if there was one thing Timothy Drake sucked at, it was self care.   
'C'mon. I'll get ya summit to eat.'

Tim trotted dutifully behind Jason into the apartment's little kitchen. Sure it was small, but like the rest of the place, it was clean and tidy,there was even a little, wooden table in the corner with a vase of flowers on it.   
He'd been expecting a packet of chips or some toast but Jason pointed towards the table before opening the cupboards. Muttering away to himself about mess.   
This confused Tim because, what mess? His own kitchen was currently a penicillin experiment? Jason was stressing over a pan being put in the wrong place.  
'Jay? I'm happy with a sandwich?'  
'You're eating. Sit down and shut up.'  
Pulling out a chair, Tim did as told, watching Jason scurry about pulling out vegetables, chopped tomatoes, hot dogs and pasta.  
It was pointless arguing. Jason had decided that he was cooking and that was the end of the matter. His brother was tunnel visioned like that, once his mind was made up that was it.  
Hanging his head Tim closed his eyes and listened to Jason cook, ignoring his throbbing shoulder.  
'I'm sorry I didn't call you. I didn't want to intrude. We hardly have the best relationship, Jay, I thought you wouldn't want to see me. I did worry though and I kept an eye on you. I didn't worry about you once I knew Roy had found you. I knew you'd be safe. I'm glad you've found friends.'

Jason stirred the pasta sauce like his life depended on it, feeling his cheeks burn and it wasn't from the heat of the stove.  
'They look at me.'  
'Look at you?' Tim questioned lifting his head from his place at the kitchen table.  
'Yeah. Roy and, and Kori, they look at me, like, they see a person. I'm a person to them, Tim.'  
'You are a person, Jay.'   
Tim assured him, concerned about the waver in his brother's voice, the way he refused to look anywhere but at the sauce he was making. Jason just shook his head and huffed a breath. He didn't know what it was but there was something in the tone of Tim's voice that just made him want to talk and talk and then talk some more.  
'Don't feel like it.' He muttered, watching the sauce simmer blankly. 'They just look at me in this way that for a moment, I can almost believe that they see me. Like there's this way that Roy smiles, he gets these dimples in his cheeks. He looks so beautiful and I know he's smiling 'cause of me and, and fuck Tim I feel like I'm flying, y'get me?'  
Nodding, Tim chose not to speak but hum slightly to show he was still listening, to encourage his brother to keep talking. He'd never, ever seen Jason open up like this before and quite frankly he was terrified of ruining it and for him to just close off again.  
'To him I ain't some broken kid from the street who fucked for a few bucks, who did anything to get by, who has to be saved from himself. I ain't the dead Robin. The broken, almost brother who needs fixin. I ain't a vigilante, some madman with gun. I ain't some fucking absconded patient with a psychiatric diagnosis. I'm just Jason and, fucking hell, it's just so odd and invigorating, to just be Jason. I ain't just Jason very often. I'm just Jason and they like him, Tim. They-'   
Cutting himself off, Jason removed the saucepan and dished up his little brother's dinner thoughtfully. A tear rolled down his cheek but Tim didn't say anything. He knew better than to do that.   
'They love just Jason. I never felt like that before. Not ever.'

A small hand encircled his. Jolting, Jason tensed and turned to look down at Tim, he was pretty sure his face was now as red as the sauce he'd just made. Shame and anxiety twisted in his stomach making him feel nauseous. Dick didn't like it when he talked about stuff. His brother would always look uncomfortable or twist it around so it was his own guilt, making Jason feel worthless. Tim though just smiled softly and squeezed his hand again, lifting his free hand to wipe away the tears on Jason's cheek.  
'You're not an almost brother, Jay. You're my big brother, you always have been.'  
'I hurt you Ti-'  
Holding up the hand he'd used to wipe away the tears to silence him, Tim shook his head, that weird, soft smile still on his face.  
'Even when you hurt me you were my brother, Moron. Nothing changes that and nothing ever will. I know I read the situation wrong Jay, but I get it now, I do. If you'd allow it? I would like to learn more about just Jason very much. The things you like, things you don't, the good, bad and the ugly. I want to know the little things about you. Like your favourite flavour of ice cream. Jason I have always wanted to know you, always.'  
Jason swallowed and studied Tim's face, the earnest hope in the teen's sky blue eyes. He was telling the truth. He didn't want anything, he didn't want to probe him for information. He just wanted to chat with him, Jason. Tim's big brother. His little brother.

'Neapolitan. I could never make my mind up between vanilla, strawberry or chocolate, so I have all three. When I don't feel well, I like chicken soup. I pretend it's Alfred's.'  
Jason mumbled so quietly Tim had to lean forwards to hear him before smiling brightly. He was genuinely pleased to hear what he had to say. His brother must have known what he meant by 'don't feel well' but he didn't balk or look guilty, he just, smiled. His brow creased a little when he smiled and his eyes seemed to dance. Jason decided there and then that he liked it when Tim smiled almost as much as when Roy and Kori did. He promised himself he'd make his brother do it again. He liked smiles.  
'Alfred's soup eh? Well, it does cure everything don't you know?'  
Jason couldn't help but chuckle at that and lifted his eyes again to look at his brother who just squeezed his hand and gestured towards himself.  
'Next time I hear you're not well I'll bring you some of the real deal. How about that?'  
'Alfred won't mind?'  
'Don't be an idiot, Jay. Of course he won't mind. You're his favourite.'  
Jason didn't look convinced about that and moved to place the plate down on the table.  
'Really?'  
'Really, really.' Tim replied with enthusiastic nod before snorting slightly as he remembered Jason's favourite ice cream. 'Neapolitan eh? Figures. Never were one for making you're mind up Jay.'  
'Fuck you.' 

Tim watched Jason sneer at him but the sparkle in his eyes suggested it was more of a jest than actual agitation.  
'Mine's Cookies and Cream, but I eat around the cookie dough.'  
'Huh? Wha? Why? What's the point in that?'  
Tim shrugged before wincing at the unwise movement. Ignoring the unimpressed Jason gave him for his own stupidity.  
'It's raw cookie dough, Jay? I like the taste of the ice cream but I don't fancy contracting Ecoli.'  
'Can get Ecoli from ice cream period.' Jason shot back, smirking at Tim's shocked response.   
It was then that it hit him. He was having a conversation with Tim, and enjoying it. What's more Tim looked like he was enjoying himself too. He was yet to stop smiling.  
Suddenly feeling very anxious and self conscious again, Jason pointed towards the table.  
'Sit. Eat. I'm, er, gonna go get you some clothes.' He mumbled before quickly exiting the kitchen and striding out of the front door.

Tim stared out his brother silently. He seemed upset again and Tim had no idea what he had done to trigger him running away like that. Worrying his lip, he looked down at the plate of pasta. Jason had even added cheese and little cut up hot dogs in it. As lovely as it looked Tim didn't feel all that hungry despite not eating for nearly three days now.  
'Where's Jaybird?'  
Jumping at the voice Tim turned to see Roy leaning against the door, arms folded, wet hair drawn up in a haphazard ponytail and thankfully wearing a pair of boxers which hung low on his hips. Tim swallowed at the little tuft of ginger hair trailing from his navel to disappeared under neath the waist band before realising he'd been asked question and giving himself a mental slap.  
'He, er, went to get me some clothes. Although hanging around in boxer shorts is thing it seems?' Tim explained before frowning at his hands suddenly feeling rather uncomfortable. 'Apparently he needed to go outside to do it? Jay likes Neapolitan ice cream.'  
Roy shot him a look as if he was actually insane before nodding slowly.  
'Erm yeah, yeah he does?'  
'He- we were talking. I thought it was going well but he just walked out?'  
Watching Tim's face all drawn up with concern Roy chuckled and nodded his head.  
'Yeah. Sounds 'bout right. Dunna worry Kiddo, he'll be back. He just needs time to freak out.'

Tim's lips formed a silent 'oh' before he winced and fiddled with the bandage on his shoulder.  
'Shoulder okay? You hurtin'? I can try and get some painkillers for ya?'  
'Nah I'm good.'  
Nodding again Roy's eyes fell to the plate of pasta before dashing over to the dirty pots and pans and frowning in confusion.  
'Did Jaybird make that?'  
'Yeah?'   
Looking back down at the pasta, he prodded it with a fork absentmindedly. Glancing up he noticed the way Roy was staring at him with teary eyes and shook his head.  
'Jay likes cooking? He insisted? I would of been quite happy with toast?'  
'It's not that. It's just, well, Jaybird hasn't been up to cooking lately. I made us mac'n'cheese tonight.'   
Oh.  
Tim swallowed and looked back down at his food, suddenly feeling rather guilty and maybe a little suspicious as to why Jason had cooked for him.  
Roy chuckled and sauntered over to the fridge. Claiming two cans of coke he slid one over to the teen, before taking a seat opposite.  
'Eat Timbo. If Jaybird comes back and finds you staring at it he'll not be happy. We all know what happens when Jaybird isn't happy.'  
'He makes Alfred seem like a soft touch.' Tim muttered subconsciously rubbing at the Batarang scar on his chest before taking a tentative mouthful. The flavours that exploded across his tongue were exquisite. Sure, he knew Jason had a rep for being a good chef but Jesus Christ Almighty he was pretty sure he had died and gone to heaven. He wasn't expecting pasta with vegetable sauce and hotdogs to taste this good.

Snorting Roy shook his head and leant back in his chair, taking a deep swig he watched the boy wolf down his meal like he hadn't eaten in days (he probably hadn't) with a warm but calculating gaze.  
'You've been drinking.'  
It was a statement not a question and there was no arguing the accusational tone. Feeling a blush flush across his cheeks, Tim nodded slowly before offering the recovering alcoholic a sheepish smile.  
'Looks like.' He shot back before realising who he was speaking to and sighing. 'Sorry.'  
Smiling Roy held up his hand.  
'No need to be sorry, Tim, but I do think we need to have a little chat, don't we?'  
Swallowing his last mouthful of pasta, the boy's eyes widened and he placed his cutlery neatly on the empty plate.  
'Um okay?'  
Roy's gaze deepened, taking a large gulp of coke, he studied Tim long and hard before stubbing a hand across his brow.  
'How to put this? Erm? Tim, you're a great kid, like I don't even know you too well and I think you're pretty swell.'  
'Are you hitting on me?'  
Lifting his gaze Roy fought the urge to faceplant the table.  
'No Tim. I want to talk to you about coping mechanisms. Like we all got 'em kid. Some are good, healthy even, and that's good but the not so good ones? Ones that cause us to hurt ourselves? Kid I-'  
'Jason made me drink while he took the bullet out.'  
Lowering his hand Roy narrowed his eyes at the teen.  
'I'm not talking about the whiskey, Timothy!'  
'Aw come on! I didn't shoot myself!'  
'Tim, we both know that isn't entirely true, is it?'

Avoiding Roy's gaze Tim fingered the dressing Jason had put in him and tried really, really hard not to pout. He was in his big brother's kitchen with his brother's boyfriend, partner, fuckbuddy thing and damn it all he was not going to come across as a petulant child.  
'I wanted to talk to him.'  
He mumbled quietly, gasping when warm calloused fingers wrapped around his hand and squeezed.   
'And that's okay. It's okay to want to talk to Jay. He's your brother and I can see how much you care about him. What's not okay is getting yourself shot to do it.'  
'I had to find a way to get him to listen to-'  
'Then call me.' Roy pleaded, increasing his grip on Tim's hand. 'Please? Next time just call me Tim and I'll come pick you up and we'll tackle Jason together. Respect yourself, there's only one Timothy Drake and I'm very privileged to know him.'  
Tim just stared and then stared some more.  
What? How did Roy even know about that darker aspect of himself? His mind flitted back to the scars on Jason's wrists and he couldn't help but wonder if the archer had had this conversation with him? Whether he had or not, Tim couldn't quite bring himself to believe those words. He was nothing special.  
'I've put my number in your phone. Please? Promise me you'll call me?'  
What! How did the man even know where to find his phone never mind unlock it? Either way Roy was sat across the table from him, and it was quite obvious he wasn't letting this one go. Normally, when Bruce and Dick did this, he'd just ignore them and they'd give up, somehow, he had a feeling Roy wasn't going to give up anytime soon.  
'Yeah. Sure, whatever.'  
'Timmy?'  
'Yes I'll call you. What do you want? Me to make a blood oath?'  
Chuckling Roy opened his mouth to reply just as the door opened and Jason plodded back in. 

Turning the archer cocked an eyebrow at the young man stood with sopping wet hair in just his jacket, boxer shorts and unlaced boots.  
'It's raining.' Jason dead panned, before kicking off his boots and pulling off his sodden jacket.  
'Huh. Jaybird? Buddy? We forget to put on pants before smoking?'  
'Fuck off Harper. No one asked for your opinion.'  
'And yet he gives it. Not that, that was an opinion. More, a casual request for you to dress appropriately in public Jay.'  
'You still here?'  
'You stole my clothes!'  
Scowling Jason cast a glance at the empty plate before storming off towards the bedroom. He was well and truly done for one day, tomorrow wasn't looking too good either.  
'Whatever.'  
He called over his shoulder before turning and pointing a finger at Tim threateningly. 'You! You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. My house, my rules, live by them.'  
The urge to point out that Jason had just quoted Bruce word for word was very strong. However, unlike Jason Todd , Tim Drake did not like the idea of standing in Crime Alley in just his boxer shorts so just kept his mouth shut and took his plate over to the sink with the intention of washing up.  
'Leave it. We'll do it in the morning.'  
'But-'  
Getting up from his spot Roy grabbed hold of Tim's hand and tugged him out of the door, herding him down the hall.  
'What film do you think Jaybird will like?'

Tim consented to being dragged along, ignoring the burning pain in his shoulder. He had expected to be lead to the couch and was more than a little uncomfortable when he found himself stood in the doorway of Jason's bedroom.  
Roy clambered up on to the bed and promptly began tracing his lips along Jason's collar bone. For a brief moment Tim thought him to be trying to initiate sex again and went to leave until Jason grunt softly. Finally dragging his eyes from the wall he'd been staring at, Jason rolled over slightly to look up at Roy who grinned down at him.  
'Tim?'  
'He's hovering in the doorway like the creepy ass stalker he is.'  
This prompted Jason to lift his head and scowl at the little shadow in his doorway who looked more than a little anxious.  
'Oy, bed or the couch, Pretender. Your choice. Just quit staring.'  
Tim stared. Blinking he nodded slowly at the instruction.   
In all honesty he was still trying to process Jason not only accepting his presence but wanting it. He'd just asked Roy where he was, Jason wanted Tim to be here. Somewhere deep in his subconscious, fan boy Tim, clutching a camera, was squealing.  
'Clueless.' 

Jason frowned and cocked his head at Tim's response, how much whiskey had the kid drunk?  
'Say what now?'  
'Clueless. Harper asked me to pick a film you would like. Clueless.'  
Pulling himself up Jason felt a smile tug at his lips. He didn't know how or why but the brother who not so long ago he'd genuinely wished dead made him smile.   
'Emma?'  
Tim nodded and shuffled to the foot of the bed. Making his decision to stay, but still unsure of exactly where he was meant to go.  
'My favourite Austen book. I like how she is a protagonist you're not meant to actually like, she has flaws.'  
'Pride and Prejudice.' Jason replied, his smile growing slightly as the pair slipped into a similar conversation they'd had in the kitchen.  
'Not shit Sherlock. I guessed you had probably already watched that half to death by now.'  
'Language!'   
Roy chided with a smirk as he pulled out the laptop to fire up Netflix. It was settled Tim could stay forever. Even if the teen didn't know that bit yet.'  
'Like you two can fucking say anything.' Tim shot back with a smirk of his own before sitting gingerly down on the edge of the bed. 'My favourite adaption of Pride and Prejudice is the 1981 version. It is truer to the book.'  
Jason gasped and sat bolt up right. Grabbing hold of Tim by the arms he hauled him up the bed with calculated carelessness. Ignoring the boy's sharp cry as his shoulder exploded in pain.  
'You take that back! The 1995 adaption is the best one todate. No arguments. Sure the 1981 version is the truest to the book but that's not good enough. The acting is superb in 1995 one, the costumes, set, music, it's like a work of moving art.'

Roy sighed a long suffering sigh and started up Clueless while he waited for the pair of Batboys to finish their in depth debate about Pride and Prejudice. He couldn't help but wonder what the hell he'd got himself into this time? Surely there was one Bat that was a stable, functioning human being? Oh who was he damn well kidding?  
'Jaybird let go of your brother's throat and watch the damn film!'


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So minor edits done to previous chapters due to being a bad geek and forgetting Dick was 'dead'.

Sunlight filtered through the crack in the curtains, giving the bedroom a rosy warm haze.  
Roy had been awake for about half an hour now and had no plans whatsoever of getting up anytime soon.He didn't want to destroy this very rare, very odd moment that had his heart melting into a puddle of goo somewhere on his lap.  
Snuggled up under the same warm blankets was his Jaybird, fast asleep, arms wrapped around his equally unconscious little brother protectively, pulling the boy to rest against his chest.  
Tim seemed pretty okay with this judging by the soft little snores he was making. Every so often he would tense a little and grumble when his shoulder hurt, only for Jason to hold him tighter and mumble inaudible nothings into his hair.

Roy didn't want to wake Jason up. He never did find staying asleep easy, dropping off no problem but keeping the lad unconscious for more than a few hours was always a difficulty. Jason suffered from horrific nightmares. It's how they had ended up being intimate. Once whilst sharing a bed both himself and Kori took to holding Jason in his sleep. It was the only way they could guarantee not to end up dodging punches from a petrified Jason, lashing out at a terror only he could see.  
Last night though, his Jaybird had managed to stay asleep since him and Tim had dropped off after the film ended, a whole eight hours ago. The length of time was a record in itself, but Roy was more astounded by the complete lack of nightmares and he was pretty certain Kori would never believe him.  
Tim was never, ever leaving. Roy had decided. Tim had no choice in the matter.  
Snapping a photo of the sleeping brothers, he sent it to Kori with a winky face and pondered over sending it to Dick. The twat would love it but they weren't on best terms at the moment and he was pretty sure Dick was still fretting about Jason. Also, the guy was meant to be fucking dead and didn't deserve it.

'Hmph. Roy?'  
'I'm here, Sleeping Beauty.' Roy whispered, lying back down to press himself against Jason's back.  
'You slept well.'  
It was a statement not a question and Jason nodded groggily, blinking sleep from his eyes.  
'Didn't dream.'  
'Nope.' Roy grinned against his shoulder, eyes falling down to the sleeping teenager in his partner's arms.  
'The kid okay?'  
Jason frowned down at Tim as if only just noticing his presence before holding him even closer and nodding, again.  
'He slept with me?'  
'Uh huh.'  
Roy pursed his lips, feeling Jason shake his head and look down at the faint scar in the middle of Tim's chest. Lifting a hand to trace it, Jason closed his eyes and pressed his lips against thick, ebony hair. Tim grunted in response and snuggled further into his arms as if even when asleep, he was still trying to get through to big brother that it was okay,  
'I don't understand.'  
'Forgiveness Jaybird. I have a feeling Tim forgave you as soon as the Batarang went in. Even back then he knew you weren't well. He got it. You just gotta forgive yourself.'  
'I can't and I won't. Nothing excuses what I did.'  
'No and I don't think Tim excuses what you did. He forgives it. There's a difference Jason.'  
Jason's frown increased as he thought this over. It was abundantly clear that he didn't understand and Roy felt that familiar bubble of angry protectiveness. This was clearly the first time his boyfriend had ever been forgiven for something he'd done without the blame being removed from it. The fact that it was something as huge as nearly killing your brother and that the forgiveness came from said brother made his heart ache. What about the little mistakes Jaybird? Has no one ever forgiven you for the little, pointless things? 

'Tim will be hungry. I owe him breakfast.'  
'Jaybird. You don't owe him breakfast just because he gave you some. Tim did that because he wanted to spend time with you. We probably should feed the creepy ass brat though. I dread to think what he'd come out with if he's hungry?'  
Jason sighed at this and nodded, he didn't really understand that either. He struggled to workout social structure. To be fair Roy had to give the boy points, with his childhood and the mind games played on him, never mind the subsequent death, brain damage and a shit ton of trauma, Jaybird was a lot better at working out how to play nice with others, than most would be in his shoes. He did try, bless his heart.  
'I'll go make a start on breakfast. What time is it?' Jason questioned tilting his head to look at Roy, sneaking a kiss to his shoulder.  
'Just gone nine.'  
'Huh, so the shops should be open. There's money in me jacket pocket. Go get painkillers, anything will do. Just please, please nothing that will get him high? He might actually lick my tattoo. I know he'll wake up and say he's fine but-'  
Cutting off Jason looked back down at Tim who had tensed and grimaced again in his sleep. Nodding Roy placed a peck on Jason's cheek before sliding out of bed.  
'He's a little liar that lies? Remind you of anyone?'  
Jason opened his mouth to reply before apparently thinking better of it and slowly guiding Tim to lie back against the pillows, wrapping the blankets snugly around him.

'Jay.' Came a sleepy grumble, Tim's face knotting in a confused frown.  
'Sssh sleep Tim. I'm still here.' Jason soothed running fingers through the boy's hair to lull him back to sleep. 'You're safe Tim. Sleep for me.'  
God. Running a hand through his own hair Roy had to double check that he was in the right universe.  
That's when he realised. Jason was out of bed. Jason wasn't just out of bed. Jason was out of bed and making plans for the day. Jason had cooked last night and was doing it again today. Silently he watched Jason shuffle carefully out of bed, eyes glued on his little brother.  
'He don't sleep. Even I know that. We should let him sleep.'  
Jason had found his magic again. He'd found it because of the need to look after another. It was so typically Jason it brought tears to Roy's eyes. Jason always did put others before himself.  
'Yeah.' Roy croaked rubbing at his eyes, he jumped when a pair of lips met his.  
'What you crying for? Go get the meds before he wakes up!'  
Spluttering a laugh, Roy returned the kiss before reaching down to hold Jason's hand. He noticed the young man's quizzical look but ignored it. Instead he just smiled, a silent 'welcome back Jaybird.'  
No words were needed for Jason to understand. He did understand, hence why he stropped out to go figure out what to feed Babybird.

Tim woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee. Groaning the teen buried his face into the pillow and squeezed his eyes shut.  
'Hmph' He groaned sleepily, when his stomach grumbled again it must of been that that woke him up. 'Urgh Alfred? You don't play fair.'  
It really wasn't fair. How could he stay asleep when such delicious smells tortured his poor neglected stomach?  
A waft of alien cologne came from the pillow and Tim frowned. That wasn't his cologne, it wasn't Kon's either? Lifting his head he stared at the strange black pillow in confusion.  
Who wore that?  
A strand of ginger hair caught his attention. Picking it up, Tim grimaced as he sat up, studying the strand before his eyes widened and he lifted his head to look around the strange room.  
No. No he was hallucinating? Yes that was it, he had to be.  
No way would Jason let him sleep in his bed.  
Dick would have but Dick-  
Grimacing again Tim decided not to think about Dick and focus on the burning pain in his shoulder.  
Nope. That was definitely real which meant this was.

Swinging his legs carefully out of the bed, Tim stood up, feet curling in the plush fibres of the rug beneath his feet.

Slowly, he plodded out of the bedroom to see Roy on the living room floor, with a blowtorch. Blinking, Tim shook his head and looked again. Nope, that was definitely Roy Harper in the middle of the living room, welding some sort of crossbow/machine gun hybrid with a blowtorch.  
'Huh.'  
Was all the teen could vocalise in response. He seriously did not have enough caffeine in his system to deal with, well, that.  
Lifting the mask with a pair of oily gloves, (oil? fire? Really!), Roy smiled at Tim and thankfully switched off the blowtorch.  
'Welcome to the land of the living, Timmy. You okay?'  
'What? Why?'  
Tim mumbled eyes glued on the blowtorch as he scratched his tangled mop of hair.  
Following his gaze Roy chuckled and reached over to hold up his weapon that looked like it was more likely to kill the wielder than an opponent.  
'My latest invention. Do you like it?'  
Roy then commenced a far too detailed, far too enthusiastic walk through of his death trap. It was a death trap, that was all a sleepy Tim could actually concentrate on.  
'J-Jay? Where Jason?'  
Dear Lord, never in his wildest dreams did Timothy Drake ever think that he would be asking for his wayward brother so he could have a dose of sanity.  
'Kitchen.' Roy replied, nonchalantly before pulling down his mask again.  
'No. No living. Die.' The teen grumbled, whimpering just ever so slightly when Roy lifted his mask again and shot him a quizzical look.

 

'Jay. Die. Fire. Argh. Roy.' Tim mumbled as he entered the kitchen and looked up at his brother who was frying bacon. Both Jason and Roy had put on t shirts and pants and he suddenly felt rather underdressed moping about in just his boxer shorts.  
Chuckling Jason switched off the stove and wiped his hands on a tea towel.  
'Yeah. I know. It's okay, I gave him a fire extinguisher and moved my books. Sit.'  
Apparently unlike the rest of the Batfamily, Jason spoke fluent decaffeinated Tim.  
Obeying silently, Tim plopped himself down at the kitchen table and had to hold himself back from kissing Jason when a large mug of steaming hot coffee appeared in front of him. Grabbing hold of it, he took a tentative sip before gasping and closing his eyes in bliss as his body jump started.  
'Got a bit of a dependency going on there don't ya think, Kid?'  
Tim grumbled something that Jason could only assume was an attempt at denial, before he placed down a bowl of fruit salad and a pot of co-codamol.  
His brother frowned at both offerings, his confusion only growing when a glass of orange juice joined the coffee.  
'You need nutrients. Have you seen your complexion lately? I'm the one whose supposed to look like a dead guy. Eat that and take your meds and I'll give you the bacon sandwich and another coffee deal?'  
'Um okay? Thank you?' Tim mumbled, finishing off his coffee, he swallowed down the painkillers with his organise juice and started eating the fruit salad. He was about 110% sure if he refused Jason would kill him.

Jason sat down opposite him with a cup of tea, teal eyes dancing whilst he watched him eat. Just as he was finishing another two pots of medication was placed down in front of him.  
'For your missing spleen and anxiety and/or depression, not sure which.'  
Swallowing the last mouthful of fruit, Tim gazed at his medication in horrified shock.  
'Amoxicillin, it's an antibiotic. You have a scar. I put two and two together. Sertraline? Well, that's a psychiatric drug ain't it, Babybird.'  
Swallowing down his knee jerk reaction, Tim took a tentative sip of coffee before looking up at Jason with a calm, steady, gaze. The Batfamily had learnt long ago that rising to Jason's provocations only encouraged his more challenging behaviours.  
'You are correct. Thank you. Although, I do protest Harper breaking into my apartment, just so you can prove a point.'  
With that he collected his required doses of each and swallowed them down with his coffee. A small sense of victory bubbling in his chest when Jason scowled and left the table. Probably to adhere to his end of the bargain, it was becoming quiet common now, for Jason to actually follow through with his promises to him.

Leaning back in his chair Tim watched his brother's back thoughtfully, mulling over what had disclosed to him the night before. In his pained, slightly intoxicated condition he hadn't taken much notice, understood the momentum of it. The secrets Jason had seemingly, willingly offered to him. One in particular kept plaguing him, wanting to know more. In the sobriety of the morning Tim realised that the ache in his chest was the price he was paying for being right. He normally found being right exhilarating, but this? This was painful and he needed to know to what extent he had been right.  
'Um Jason?'  
'Hmm?'  
Tim stopped, for once he didn't have an articulate way to ask his question. He had broached subjects like this before, crouched down in front of some stranger but this was his brother and some how, his well practiced script didn't quite cut it.  
'Look, we both know what you said last night so can we please just stop the games and talk about it?'  
Jason frowned and turned around to quirk an eyebrow at him and Tim wanted to cry. He was an intelligent person, years of Batraining to boot and that's what he came up with?  
'Huh? What games? Tim, you feeling okay? You're shaking buddy.'  
'I ain't some broken kid from the street who fucked for a few bucks.' Tim replied warily, eyes glued to his big brother. In the end he could only think of just quoting the damning words, word for word. He watched, Jason's features darken, and in his panic to stop a rampaging Roy running in, Tim finished with.  
'You told me last night. Remember?'  
Jason's expression was marred by confusion until he seemed to find the required memory and merely nodding before returning to what he was doing.  
'I need to finish making your coffee.'  
Shaking his head, Tim watched his brother's back with tearful eyes completely and utterly flabbergasted to of been brushed off like that.  
'No, no Jason! You can't just say something like that and then shut me out. I can't do it anymore! I can't keep getting shut out by you, everybody! I can't do this, I can't keep this secret, it's wrong!'  
Tim practically screeched, by some miracle he managed to keep tears at bay and he barely flinched when the mug in Jason's hands smashed onto the floor.  
'You talk like you already know? What did Bruce tell you? Bastard, fucking bastard!' Jason roared at the top of his lungs sending the rest of the morning's washing up crashing to floor and Tim, again, didn't flinch.

Looking from the shattered plates to Jason's fuming face Tim shook his head in bewilderment.  
'Do you think me that stupid? I know what the street kids get up to, don't think me fool enough to believe you got off Scott free.  
I remember that day. When Clark and Roy came and beat up Bruce, our dad. They thought he had abused you but they just got the wrong guy. I'm not an idiot Jason, I have a brain, I can put two and two together and come up with four. You sold yourself to get by, didn't you?'  
Tim's words echoed in the silence of the kitchen and Jason just stared, a couple of tears escaping and rolling down an ashen cheek.  
'You think you know it all? Well, sucks to be you Einstein because you're fucking wrong!'  
Hiccupping a breath, Tim wiped his eyes and went to stand from his chair but finding that he had somehow become glued to it. Jason's words reverberated around his brain like a bullet. Wrong? How could he be wrong? Jason just confirmed he was right. No, no Jason confirmed that he had been abused. He did say he had sold himself last night though?  
'But you did sell yourself? Was - God- Jason was, was it more than that? Was- was there, someone who' Closing his eyes tightly Tim turned away, he didn't think he could cope with that, prostitution was one thing but that?  
Jason watched his brother, watched his terrified reaction and in that moment he saw himself. He saw the little boy forced to hear things he was not mature enough to deal with. 

'Uncle Robbie.'  
Tim inhaled sharply and lifted tearful eyes and felt his bottom lip quiver.  
'J-Jay?'  
'He's who gots me into it all. I knew him from when Mom and Willis were around, he was my social worker. The night Mom died, I ran away from him. I gave Mom a last kiss goodbye and climbed outta the bathroom window. It was a dumb thing to do.'  
'Was it dumb Jay? It sounds like you knew this guy was bad news?' Tim mumbled, watching Jason smile softly through his tears and look almost like he wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him! Him! He wasn't the one reliving traumatic life stories?  
'Yeah, yeah I got a pretty good hunch that he was bad news by that point.'  
Smiling weakly at Jason's attempt at humour Tim nodded in understanding. Bruce had always told him how Jason had always been a good detective, he knew from experience how Jason could decider a persons character by a single look.

'Uncle found me though. Cold and hungry, huddled up in the rain on a doorstep in Crime Alley. I had no where to go, no one to call for help, I was completely and utterly alone and out of options. I had no choice but to go home with him but it wasn't his home. It was a squat. He kept me there but it was warm and he'd bring me food and smokes, I had my own little room. There were other kids there too but I never really thought about it. They never seemed to want to talk to me, so I didn't bother them. We moved around a lot but I dunno after losing Mom? I was too numb to care.'  
Tim blinked, piecing the pieces together as he always did with everything and his eyes widened. Jason didn't just pull tricks, he sold himself but the money never went to him.  
'CSE? You were part of a pedophile ring weren't you? Jason?'  
Tim's words were harsh and to the point, but yet again, Jason found himself responding, they held a familiar lack of emotion, that was empathic at the same time. Jason's grip on the counter top tightened, knuckles white and Tim wouldn't be surprised if there were fingernail marks in the cheap wood.  
'Yeah. Yeah guess that's pretty accurate Tim. That's exactly what it was. Sounds so easy when you say it like that, to put a label on it. I didn't know. Not until I was far away from it all, my head crashing against a bedside table. I thought it was normal, it wasn't normal at all. When Uncle fucked me for the first time, he said I was just growing up. Now I was grown up, I could go to parties with him and see his friends. Uncle had a lot of friends it seemed and the stuff I did I - fuck I thought it was normal. I had to pay my way somehow. I stole car parts so I could save some money of my own, I never knew what for. Run away maybe? But where could I go? I had no where.'

Tim kept his eyes on Jason the whole time. Watching the anger, morph into something else. An emotion he couldn't quite place. Fear? Despair? Nausea? He couldn't make it out.  
Instead he kept his mind on his report. It was a report, a debrief. If he thought it as talking to his brother, that what he was talking about actually happened to him? He'd probably join Jason in smashing up the kitchen before vomiting himself. The bacon sandwich sat forgotten on the side didn't look all that appealing anymore.  
Jason swallowed, opened his mouth as if to say something before burying his head in his hands and sinking to the floor to sit amongst the broken plates. Broken things.  
Tim frowned at the analogy his brother always used. Finding beauty in brokenness. Jason believed himself to be broken. How had he never seen that before?  
'I thought it was normal, hell I don't think I ever really saw the truth until Roy showed me. Until Roy- It took me this long to work out that to Uncle, I was just a piece of meat to be sold, how dumb is that?'

Tiptoeing cautiously around the shattered pieces, Tim slid down the cupboards to join his brother amongst the broken things.  
'It wasn't your fault you know? Whatever happened to you it - it doesn't define you and you're not dumb. Jay, you're one of the most intelligent people I know.'  
Sighing when Jason gave him no response, Tim slipped his hand into his brothers and finally allowed himself to cry, allowing himself that vulnerability.  
'I-It wasn't until Bruce that I realised that it wasn't normal for your parents to leave you at eight years old for two months. At first, heh, I thought Dick was trying to do to me what happened to you because I didn't know that it was normal for family to hug you. Jason, if you're dumb, what does that make me?'  
'What are you doing? Let go of me!'  
Tim didn't bat an eye at Jason's protests and just increased his grip.  
'I'm holding your hand.'  
'Why?'

Tim searched Jason's eyes hazy with anger, hurt, shame and beneath all that, a genuine confusion that made his stomach twist. He wasn't being oppositional, Jason genuinely could not understand why his hand was being held.  
'I'm holding your hand because I'm here. I'm here with you.'  
Smiling softly he inclined his head in the hopes of looking more approachable.  
'I'm showing you that I'm here for you Jason. You ever, and I mean ever, wanna talk? About what happened, anything, I'm here okay?'  
Jason stilled for a moment, searching Tim's eyes until he shook his head and looked down at the broken mug handle still in his hand.  
'I won't talk about this no more.'  
Won't or can't?

Nodding Tim looked down at the mug handle and shrugged nonchalantly as if they'd just been talking about the weather.  
'Yeah. Friendly advice? You're going to need another mug.'  
Jason's frown deepened and he looked over at Tim who just gave him a cold calculated stare.  
'I want my promised coffee, Jason. I can make your life very difficult if you do not fulfil your promise.'  
A faint smile tugged at chapped lips and suddenly Jason was standing, flicking on the kettle and fishing out another mug from the cupboard.  
'Yeah. I don't doubt that one. You got real issues you know that?'  
'So I keep getting told. I like to think of it as part of my charm.' Tim shot back sitting back down at the table he chuckled when Jason flipped him off.  
'Everything okay in here?'

With, suspiciously, convenient timing, Roy appeared in the doorway. Green eyes sweeping the room, noting the shattered china on the floor before glancing at Tim and Jason warily.  
Without a word he walked over to his partner and placed a peck on his lips, thumbs wiping away tears that still sat on Jason's cheek.  
'You good?' He mumbled, green eyes silently saying 'well done.'  
Nodding Jason huffed and turned away to spoon coffee into the new mug.  
'Tim wants coffee. You want one?'  
Shaking his head, Roy spotted the forlorn bacon sandwich and made towards it.  
'Back off Harper. You had yours.'  
'Nah it's okay, Roy. I'm not hungry'  
Catching Jason's look Tim motioned towards his empty bowl.  
'You made me eat an entire fruit salad, Jay!'  
'Oh dear God. You have the appetite of an actual bird!'  
Scowling Tim flipped him off and finished off his coffee before getting up to help Roy tidy up the shattered contents of the kitchen, ignoring the protests he received. It was his fault, he shouldn't have triggered Jason whilst he was holding breakables.

Boy did the man look tired. Then though, it must be exhausting to look after someone like Jason when they had been so poorly. It must be a twenty four hour long, hard slog, just keeping his brother safe, only now gaining some relief. Roy had to really love Jason to do it so selflessly. Pursing his lips Tim looked at the shadows beneath Roy's green eyes before glancing up at Jason who was washing up. Hell, he had taken stupider risks this morning.  
Placing the broken bits in the bin, Tim clambered to his feet and shrugged a shoulder in the hopes of being nonchalant.  
There was no way Roy would ever admit finding Jason exhausting never mind excepting help so offering his aid had to be done subtly.  
'I suppose I'd better get dressed and make a move.'  
Swallowing a smirk when Jason turned to blink at him, clearly trying to hide his disappointment,  
Tim shrugged another shoulder.  
'Come out with me Jay? Please? Let me thank you for not letting me bleed out and making me fruit salad and stuff?'


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooo Tim and Jason have a day out.
> 
> Apologies for the rather long chapter x

Timothy Drake had won many battles in his time but this one had him silently crowing to himself.   
His steps light with elation and excitement. Not quite believing that what was happening was actually happening and it wasn't just some cruel dream and he'd wake up to find it was all a lie.  
Not an hour after mentioning going out, Tim was dragging a disgruntled Jason down the sidewalk with a victorious grin. His older brother had shouted, screamed and stamped his feet about going out. He didn't want to go out of the apartment full stop, never mind with the younger brother he was only just starting to build bridges with and still found as annoying as hell.  
Tim had almost, almost conceded to admitting defeat until Roy had sidled up to Jason's side, muttering something into the younger man's ear with a playful grin, hands stroking Jason's biceps comfortingly.  
Whatever it was Roy had done, it worked and Jason was now stomping next to him looking ready to kill. Seriously, Roy Harper had persuaded Jason Todd of all people to do something he didn't want to do, even Bruce failed on that front. The man needed a medal and a job in psychiatry!

'Nope.' Jason stropped, shaking his head when they came to a halt by a bus stop.  
'Huh? What's up?' Tim asked in genuine confusion, wondering what on earth a bus stop had done to offend his brother?  
'Nope.'  
'Yes Jay, I hear you saying 'nope' but that doesn't explain anything. I need context.'  
'Not going on a bus. Nope.'  
Tim watched in growing dread as Jason folded his arms, the scowl on his face darkening even further. He was digging his heels in again and unlike back at the apartment, Tim didn't have Roy's silver tongue to help him. There was no way Tim was calling him so soon after leaving. He could do this.  
'Your bike has no gas, my car is up town, how else do you propose we get anywhere?'  
'Walking.'  
Running a hand down his face, Tim shook his head before he caught sight of the other people waiting for the bus. 

On his bad days he hated going on the bus, if he couldn't drive or catch a lift off someone, Tim would try his best to reorganise his day so he wouldn't have to leave his couch.  
Of course, how had he not seen it?  
'People. It's the people. Crowds are scary.'  
'Nope.' Jason grumbled and Tim's head shot up. He hadn't meant to say that out loud however the 'nope' was pretty much as close as they were going to get to Jason actually admitting why he didn't want to go on the bus. Pursing his lips, Tim made a slight recalculation and decided on a different, less crowded, destination than the movies.  
Just as he decided on somewhere more suitable to go, the bus showed up and Tim didn't just see, he felt Jason completely freeze up.  
'Nope.'   
It seemed to be the only word his brother could currently say, like he was stuck on a loop or something.  
Sliding his hand into Jason's, Tim smiled warmly when he glanced down at him in confusion, anxiety almost sparking off tense shoulders.

'It's okay, Jay. We do this together yeah?'   
Pursing his lips when Jason's feet remained glued to the sidewalk, Tim wondered if his own coping methods would work? It was worth a shot because at this rate they were walking to uptown Gotham.   
'Count. Count for me Jay.One, two, three'  
'Four, five, six'   
Jason's shaky voice joined in with the counting quietly, whilst throwing his younger brother a quizzical look, trying to work out why he was being asked to count. He was so distracted with counting and trying to work out why he was counting, they were on the bus and paying the fare before Jason even realised what was going on.  
Pouting, Jason tugged his hand free and pulled the hood of his hoodie further over his face, convinced that every damn person on this damn bus was staring at him.   
'Fine. If I have to get on a fucking bus? I wanna sit by the window, at the back.'  
'Sure, whatever.'  
Pushing slightly on Jason's shoulder the pair made there way to the back of the bus. It was dumb to congratulate Jason for getting on the bus, and quite frankly? Tim wanted to be in his brother's good books for a little while yet.

'Where're we going?' Jason grumbled, leaning back in his seat, he scowled at the streets passing by.   
'The library.'  
'Why?'  
'They read stories at 15.45.'  
Jason turned and blinked at his brother in bewilderment . He had got to be freaking kidding?  
'You're- we're going to story-time? How old do you think I am?'  
Smirking Tim shook his head and started checking his emails on his phone.  
'Not the kids one you moron. They have one for adults. It's kinda cool. I go sometimes when I want to escape and pretend I don't exist.'  
'Huh'   
Jason seemed perturbed by this somehow, his frown only increasing when Tim's smile fell from his face and he fumbled about with his phone like he'd never seen it before.  
Jason didn't know what to say so in the end the brothers just sat in silence. Listening to the drone of the bus and the chatter of the other passengers, the rustle of shopping bags, baby's cries.

'What changed you?' Tim finally muttered, eyes darting to looked at his brother warily. Jason just seemed confused so he tried again. 'You're different. What changed? Before I went away you were, yeah, and then there was Arkham and the next thing I know you're sat at my breakfast table and wanting me to say hi? What changed? Is this just some game Jay?'  
The silence returned and if Tim wasn't mistaken Jason looked, guilty? Uncomfortable?  
'You gonna keep diggin' 'til I tell you aren't ya? Everyone else is just happy I changed.'  
'Please? It can't be that bad Jay? It's good, I- I like having you as a brother. Honest.'  
Jason nodded slowly, picking at the skin around his nails and Tim thought he'd ignore him until.  
'I ain't playing no game, Tim. I'm trying to, well, I dunno what I'm trying to do? I just know I gotta try? As for changing? Guess my frontal lobes must be really fried.'  
Tim was fleetingly aware that he wasn't breathing. His brother was trying to be cryptic, but he had dealt with the flipping Riddler, Jason could only have meant one thing.  
Swallowing Tim forced air to re- enter his lungs. With wide eyes he snuck a look at Jason who was staring out of the window as if he'd never seen Gotham's streets.  
'You've had ECT? At Arkham? Jason, talk to me.'  
Jason nodded but didn't look away from the window and Tim honestly didn't know what to do and suddenly wished for Roy's presence. He'd know what to do, what to say.   
What was he meant to say?   
He knew nothing about Jason's stint in Arkham and his revelation only proved to him how little he did know. Swallowing again he tried to get rid of a deep, painful pang of guilt. He knew so little because he didn't want to know, he'd never asked.

'Does Roy know?'  
It seemed a dumb question but Tim honestly didn't know what else to say. What else could he say?  
Jason frowned at this, before shaking his head with a sigh that sounded tired, so done with life.  
'Only Grayson.'  
'Wait. What? Dick knew? H-he was, there!'  
Nodding Jason scrubbed a hand down his face before shrugging.  
'Dickie spoke to the doctors for me. He- he tried to explain but I couldn't, I couldn't focus, couldn't concentrate. I just signed where Dick told me to.'  
'Dick told you to? You signed something you didn't understand because Dick told you to? What the hell Jay?'   
Tim was flabbergasted and couldn't help but let his jaw hang down in shock. How? Why would Dick have done this? Surely it would have been evident that Jason hadn't known what was going on?  
'I didn't know what to do, Tim. Back then? Everything was so confusing, I don't even know what was reality and what was some fucked up concoction in my head. I used to think the hands I felt were real. I was sc-'   
Cutting himself off Jason shot him a look and Tim knew just knew that Jason had almost admitted, that he had been scared.

'Sure, he locked me up. I was a brat, I don't blame him, not really. Out of everything back then? I knew, deep down, I knew Dickiebird wouldn't hurt me. I signed because he knew what was for the best when I, didn't.'  
'Was it for the best though? Did it help at all, Jay?'  
He wasn't sure why but learning that Jason didn't know why what happened, happened to him made Tim angry, protective of his brother. He should have been there, fought his corner. Instead, he'd been halfway around the world.  
Jason shrugged and turned from the window to ruffle Tim's hair.  
'Ain't tried to kill you for a real long time?'  
Tim let out a bark of laughter at that, slapping a hand to his mouth when a couple of old ladies a few seats down turned to see what was going on.  
'Yeah. Yeah I guess so Jay. Does B know?'  
'No. Just Dick. He locked down my files so B wouldn't know. I don't want people knowing, especially him.' Pausing he pursed his lips and squeezed Tim's shoulder comfortingly.  
'Tim it's okay.'

Tim nodded slowly, lifting tearful eyes to Jason.  
'I should have been here.'  
'And done what? You had your own shit to sort, Kid. B to bring back for starters. You don't understand Tim. I don't regret it and I don't blame Dick for it.'  
Tim nodded along deep in thought. Jason was right he didn't understand, he could hardly imagine what that must feel like, to know something was going to happen to you if you liked it or not. The mere thought terrified him but then, thinking back to what Jason had said. Had he been to ill to care?  
He always thought Jason had been angry with Dick. Was the truth a little darker than Jason was telling him? Like Roy said, his brother was a damn liar.  
Had he still been angry and hurt by what Dick had done but had gone along with what he said because, did he have the capacity to fight him on it? 

'Did' Closing his eyes Tim and steadied his nerves, dreading the answer to his question but needing to hear it. 'Did it hurt?'  
'It was okay. They put ya to sleep nowadays. I'd wake up in like this dark, quiet room, the blankets would be soft. The nurse would bring me chocolate pudding and let me watch cartoons. Dickie was there. Every time.'  
Tim smiled, seeing the spark of affection behind Jason's eyes when he remembered their brother being there, at the same time he was struck by how young Jason was.   
Sure, physically he was built like brick wall, he'd killed people, even tired to kill him. You could easily assume him to be a man. But was he? Really? Deep down? 

Listening to his brother talk about eating chocolate pudding and watching cartoons, letting Dick take care of him because he knew best? He sounded like a teenage boy still. In hindsight, Jason died at fifteen, he came back catatonic before he went in the pit. Even when it restored him, it had only really been in the last eighteen months or so that Tim could see Jason functioning on any sort of level.His brother had been so unwell for such a long time. When would Jason have had the time, never mind the capacity to grow up?   
Sliding a look back at Jason who had taken to drawing patterns in the condensation on the window, he suddenly realised that in someways, he was Jason's big brother.  
'What? You're smiling. Stop it, it's creepy.'  
Jumping out of his thoughts he blinked back up at Jason who had stopped drawing on the window to glare at him.

Glancing out at the street, Tim pressed the bell and took hold of his brother's hand, squeezing slightly in reassurance.  
'Come on Jay, this is our stop.'  
'Why you holding my hand?'   
Chuckling Tim shook his head in amusement as he dragged his brother down the bus and out onto the street. For someone who quite clearly stated that they did not want to go on the bus, Jason was very talented at attracting attention to himself.  
'Jay, we are going to have a good day. Doing things like normal brothers. That's what you told me you wanted? For me to just want to see you? This is me seeing you and at the same time giving that poor boyfriend of yours five minutes peace.'  
'I don't trust you.' Jason grumbled as he was dragged along the sidewalk by his little brother. He didn't want to be here but Tim had a point. Jason felt guilty enough already about being a burden and the idea of giving Roy an afternoon without his infuriating presence was appealing. Coupled with what Roy promised they'd do if he behaved and went with his brother without complaint? He honestly had no choice but to just carry on stomping behind Tim and pretend he didn't feel on edge the entire time.  
'I don't trust you either, Jay. Think of it as the two of us having some common ground? Here we are!'

Tim looked back to see that Jason was frozen to the spot again, wide eyes fixed on the huge building. Sighing, he counted slowly to ten and turned around. Of everything in Gotham he thought books would have been an easy win.  
'What's the matter Jay? Do you want to go somewhere else?'  
Jason shook his head slowly, eyes still fixed on the entrance. Swallowing he huffed what Tim could only describe as a very sad laugh.  
'I'm er, I'm just, I need a minute okay? I never, this is the closest I've been to heaven since I left.'  
Jason was too awestruck to really comprehend what was leaving his mouth but Tim heard every word and for a moment forgot how to breathe. Swallowing down the knot in his throat, Tim reached out and took Jason's hand again.   
'C-come on Jay. Let's, um, go inside yeah? I have my library card so we can borrow whatever we want okay?'  
He decided that maybe mentioning what his brother had said was a bad idea, so instead he just stuffed the guilt ridden turmoil in a box with the rest and carried on. If he wasn't mistaken Jason seemed to almost bounce, his demeanour changing to that of a child at Christmas.

'Y-you mean, I can get books?'  
Chuckling Tim nodded before jogging after Jason who was skipping through the doors, yes, skipping, Tim had to triple check just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. His murderous brother was skipping, he'd never seen him this, excited? Happy?  
Had he broken him? Should he be calling Roy? No, no he can't call Roy, he was meant to be having chill time.  
'Woah, Buddy! Hold it! We have time before the book reading. Let's get some lunch at the cafe and then we'll look at the books okay?'  
Skidding to a halt on the marble floor, Jason turned and pouted at his little brother's firm expression.  
'We can eat and look at books!'  
Nodding again Tim tried to shepherd his brother towards the little cafe but with little success. Scowling Jason pulled back and shook his head.  
'You can't eat in the library that's, that's sacrilege! It's just not right, you don't do that.'  
'You really haven't been here for a while have you?' Tim replied with an amused smirk, finally succeeding in bundling his brother through the archway and into a chair.  
'Now what do you want? My treat as a thank you okay?'

Tim ordered their food and ended up having to swallow without chewing because as much as Jason appreciated being bought lunch he was obviously itching to go and rifle through the hundred thousand books the library held. He may not know his brother overly well but he knew enough about him to know that he would want to look, everywhere.   
Sure enough a few minutes later Jason had finished and was up and heading off towards the first row of bookshelves. Hiding a smile behind his coffee, Tim downed his last mouthful before following his brother mentally giving himself a pat on the back. This had been a good idea.

Jason was almost in a daze. With a lopsided smile Tim sauntered along behind him, occasionally looking over a book that caught his eye. It wasn't surprising that they couldn't make it all the way around the library before the book reading and Jason was genuinely torn between going to it or just carrying on foraging through the shelves looking for treasure. That was, until Tim had promised that they could come back another day. In fairness Jason had a pretty impressive stack already and that was with him exhibiting restraint. So Jason surrendered to carting them all over to the librarian to be checked out and packed into the canvas bag Tim just magicked from nowhere.  
The pile wasn't nearly as high as the first time Jason had come here with Bruce and was told he could borrow without the usual limit the library enforced. He'd been giddy with excitement, dashing around dragging a bemused Bruce around with him. It had been a good day that day.

The book reading was situated at the top of the library in the study area. The room was lined with tables and in the corner a few couches and chairs to sit on. Tim let Jason choose where he wished to sit and was unsurprised when he chose the couch a little further away from the others, again next to a window. They were still a little early so Jason had dug out one of his new books to read and Tim had never seen his brother look so chilled and, content. It was actually a little disconcerting. Sitting back into the couch Tim worried his lip as he thought back over the last 24 hours. For reasons he wasn't even going to try and fathom, Jason had opened up to him. He had told him his secrets, secrets very few knew about.   
His secrets! Jason never told his secrets to anyone.  
Maybe it was because Tim hadn't breathed a word about the ballet? Tim didn't know but he felt honoured to have been entrusted with the little snippets of Jason he'd been given. If he was brutally honest, Tim also felt like a bit of a fraud. Jason was trying, he had told him things, nothing was more important than Jason's secrets and Tim now knew about three of them. 

Jason had asked him only one question today and he had declined to answer. There was a lot of take and not a lot of give on Tim's part and now sitting watching his brother read to himself quietly he couldn't help but feel guilty and wanting to change that.  
'Ra's took my spleen. Only Tam, Leslie and Alfred actually know about it that I know of. I've been on Sertraline for a few years now, it's for both depression and anxiety. I'm a proud owner of both. The dosage I'm on though has only been that high recently, in fact it's come down a little now thinking about it. Most people know about it but not the dosage, only Leslie really knows and Kon.' Tim mumbled, gaze fixed on his clenched hands. Jason carried on reading, for a moment he thought that maybe his older brother hadn't heard him or that he just didn't care before.  
'Why'd they up the dose? It's pretty high, if it's lower then you must of been zonked.' Jason's voice carried over his book and a pair of teal eyes peeped over the top. Tim couldn't work out if it was concern or interest that he saw in them?  
'What happened?'  
Shrugging Tim looked away, whatever the emotion was in Jason's eyes he found that he couldn't look at it, he felt his cheeks heat up but he couldn't stop now. Jason had been brave so, so could he.  
'I dunno. Stuff. Losing everyone? My parents, Kon, Bart, Bruce, you literally everyone I loved. I lost Robin, my home. I lost everything.'

'Me?'   
Latching on to that one Jason lowered his books and quirked an eyebrow.   
'How'd you lose me? You hated me. I tried to kill you, multiple times!'  
Huffing a laugh, Tim lifted his eyes to the ceiling and ran a down his face.  
'You're never going to understand are you Jay? I never hated you. I idolised you. Most of my photos were of you, you were my hero, Jason, my Robin. Sure, you've hurt me and yes, I was angry and hurt and frightened but I got it. I always got it. You're right. I am the replacement. I replaced you and I get how much that must of hurt. It hurts me, to this day, knowing I'm only here because Batman needed a Robin. He needed a dark haired boy to pretend to be his dead son. That's what I was. The amount of times he'd call me by your name and he'd try to hide it, but I always saw the disappointment when he realised the boy was me and not you at all. Jay, I have never, ever, hated you.'  
Jason just stared, jaw slack and Tim felt the tears welling up in his eyes and he tired to rub them away.  
'It sucks being the replacement, it means you know that you are in fact replaceable. It meant that when things got dark, when mum and then dad died, I had nothing. Nothing to stop the little voice in my head from sounding like the truth.'  
'Timmy?' Jason interrupted and Tim balked a little bit. Never, ever had Jason used that nickname. Never like that, concern and distress that hung heavy in his brother's rough voice, alien and hard to accept, it being directed at him.

Closing his eyes Tim shook his head, fingernails digging into the denim of his jeans and he figured that maybe starting this conversation in public hadn't been his smartest idea.  
'It started just thinking about dying. What would happen? What would it sound like? Would I go out in a fiery blaze of why him? Or would I just fade away, unnoticed? Quite often I believe the latter. Replacement, replaceable. I tried a couple of times but heh, I'm still here I guess? I used to ring Dick when I felt like that, when things were bad. Things got better, I even saved a guy from jumping off a building once, no one really knows that. Then? Then everyone went, I lost everyone and I couldn't talk to Dick anymore. In the end my fears were proven to be right, I was replaced. Easily and swiftly and once Damian donned my mantle it was if I had ceased to exist. I went away, I needed to find Bruce. If I found him? Maybe I could exist again? I knew he wasn't dead, I knew it. It didn't feel the same as when everyone else had died.'  
Tim paused as Dick flitted into his mind, his death hadn't felt right either but he pushed it aside. Now was not the time.  
'You probably know about my dealings with Ra's right? Last time I tried anything it wasn't even by my own hand, not exactly anyway. I knew, I knew that I could never win up against him. I fought him anyway, all I needed was time for everyone else to finish their tasks. I gave them that time. Then Ra's would kill me and it would all be over, I had it all planned out. I was so calm. Falling out the window I remember making peace with myself, Bruce, before finally closing my eyes.'

Tim sighed and hung his head, trying hard to keep his voice steady, he placed his hands on his knees to keep them from shaking.  
'I didn't do it to die. I never wanted to die, why would I want that? I was just so tired of it all, tired of fighting, tired of being in the way. Honestly? I was angry. Embarrassed for our family that I was such a failure. I couldn't talk to my friends because I couldn't trust them enough. I couldn't show them those dark thoughts, the little voice in my head. I still don't, not really. People say suicide is giving up, I wasn't giving up. I wasn't running away from my problems, I was trying to conquer them. Dick caught me when I fell. I woke up in the Cave and he asked me how I knew he'd be there to save me. I said it's because he was my big brother, that he'd always be there. I wanted him to see the lie, I wanted him to just see me, see that there was no way I could have known he'd of been there to catch me. He didn't.'   
Taking a deep breath, Tim thought back to the conversation him and Dick had after the incident with Clark thinking Bruce abused Jason. How easily Dick accepted his explanation then to.   
'Dick just saw what he wanted to see. I don't blame him. Why put your hand on the stove when you know that it's hot? Like you, I understand myself a bit more now. The voice is still there, in the background, it comes to the forefront when the depression hits, when Dick died. I'm the same. Living is hard. But I'm stronger now. I have thought and attempted to end my life numerous times, I'm not ashamed anymore. I just, never admitted it to anyone.'

There was silence for a few minutes, both brothers just sitting there watching the study area slowly fill up and the librarian walk over to sit in the middle with a book.  
Clearing his throat, Tim ran a hand threw his hair before sneaking a glance at Jason who, for want of a better word, looked shell shocked.  
'See? You aren't the only one who keeps secrets, Jay. Congratulations you are now the one person who knows mine.'  
Shuffling in his spot Jason cleared his throat and looked at the librarian who seemed about to start before looking over at Tim with an awkward smile.  
'I erm, do y'feel better now? Now you told someone?'  
Tim hadn't expected that reaction. Anger? Shame? Yeah those he could deal with but the concern that shone in Jason's eyes, the acceptance, that, that was a little odd.  
What Jason said though was true, he did feel better, lighter some how. Mirroring the awkward smile, Tim nodded just as a leaflet for the library was thrust in his hands. On the back was a phone number in Jason's hurried scrawl.  
'You gots more than one big brother, Tim.'  
Another awkward nod and Tim turned to listen to story, running his thumb over Jason's number in wonder. Never in a million years did he ever, ever think that Jason would willingly give him his phone number. He could call him now, whenever. Jason wanted to see him, Jason told him his secrets, Jason went out with him and now? Jason had given him his number. Right now? Tim wasn't entirely sure if he was dreaming?

Jason seemed to now be completely enthralled by the story being read today. His brother was leaning forwards on his knees, chin resting on his hands, eyes closed as he listened. The story was 'Two Brothers' by Ben Elton. A powerful story about two boys, one Jewish and the other Aryan, who were brought up as brothers in pre-war Berlin. Tim had read the book himself a few months back but by Jason's reaction, this was actually a book he hadn't read before. The story seemed to speak to Jason on some level but Tim wasn't going to even try and fool himself into believing he knew his brother well enough to know how.  
'I need to use the bathroom.' Jason mumbled suddenly, lifting his head to look at Tim who nodded slowly.   
'Um sure? Do you know where to go?' Tim whispered.  
Jason just nodded and disappeared off in the direction of the washrooms.   
Tim thought nothing of it.  
Time went on and Tim began to wonder what exactly his brother was doing?  
Had he got lost?  
The book reading ended and there was still no sign of Jason.  
Tim began to worry.  
Picking up their things and his phone, he dialled the number Jason had given him but the call rang out.  
Maybe Jason was still in the bathroom? Maybe he had a breakdown or fell and knocked himself out or was mugged or something?  
The familiar tendrils of anxiety coiled painfully around his heart and he ran. Tim ran downstairs and burst through the doors of the male washroom.  
'Jason?Jason!' He called out desperately but he received no reply. Flinging open every single cubicle, all were empty, Tim gazed around the very empty washroom in dismay.   
'Well, fuck.'  
His only reply was the trickle of a tap that just sounded like mocking laughter.  
Jason had just vanished into thin air.

Gulping a few much needed lungfuls of air, Tim dug out his phone again and relented to calling Roy. He had no choice. Hopefully, Jason just had a freak out and went back home, maybe?   
'Yello, Timbers, 'sup?'  
'R-R-Roy!' Tim stammered, his breathing picking up again as he scanned the room one last time, just incase Jason reappeared out of the grouting or something.  
'Woah. Woah Tim? You alright, dude? You're okay yeah? Deep breaths, just tell me what's wrong?'  
Roy was far too good at calming someone down, Tim supposed the man did have a hell of a lot of practice.  
'I-I lost Jason!' He blurted out, wincing at the sharp inhale of breath over the phone.  
'You lost- Tim no! No Jason isn't thinking straight!'  
'You think I don't know that?'  
'Tim this is serious, you can't just lose him!'  
'Well, I did! Maybe it skipped your attention? But the only reason Jason is even in the community, is purely down to his A class skill at absconding and my family's complete and utter failure at keeping tabs on him. Okay? I lost Jason. I need you to help me find him before he does something stupid!' Tim practically yelled down the phone before smiling politely a rather confused middle aged man trying to innocently use the urinals and making a hasty exit.

'Um right. Right, okay. We can do this. Tim I need you to think really hard for me.'  
'I'm not a child Roy, do I look like Damian to you?'  
'Alright, fine, Mr Smartass, what was Jason like before he ran off? Where were you? What was he doing? How did he slip away?'  
Nodding to himself, Tim sunk down onto the steps outside and scrubbed a hand down his face.  
'I dunno? He was okay? We were having a good time. We took the bus to library and got some books and went to a book reading I-'  
'Woah, hold up, Jason got on a bus?'  
'Yeah?'  
There was a snort of what sounded like approval but Tim ignored it in favour of briefing Roy on the events of the day.  
'I may have told him about er, stuff, we've talked quite a bit actually.'  
Another snort of approval which was ignored.  
'Jason seemed to be enjoying the story, until he said he needed the bathroom and off he went.'

'WHAT!'   
The yell came so suddenly Tim almost dropped the phone in surprise.  
'Jason said he needed the bathroom and you let him go? Alone!'  
Frowning Tim rolled his eyes and glared as if Roy could actually see him.  
'Well yeah? You didn't say he was on eyesight? What? You're telling me you go to the bathroom with Jason every time he goes!'  
'When he says it like that? Fuck yes, Timothy!'  
'Huh?'  
There was a dull thumping sound and Tim could only imagine that Roy was thumping his head against a door in frustration.  
'Timmy, think about this real hard. How would Jason say that he needed the bathroom if he actually needed the bathroom?'  
Tim chewed on his lip for a moment before his eyes widened and he suddenly felt like the most gullible, stupidest idiot on the planet. Bruce would be ashamed.  
'I gotta go piss.' He mumbled, cheeks burning in shame. 'Oh fudge. Roy I've messed up. We gotta find Jason!'

Closing his eyes tightly Tim tried in vain to quell the hurricane of anxiety inside his chest but all he could think of was all the million and one not too good things his brother could be doing right now. It was all his fault.  
'Tim? Timothy focus!'  
'Y-yeah.'  
'Good boy. Now, where are you?'  
'Steps. On the library steps.' Tim answered immediately, looking around himself as if to double check he hadn't been teleported elsewhere without his knowledge.  
'Right. Okay. Tim stay there. Do you hear me! Stay sat on that step and do not move. I am coming to get you.'  
Shaking his head, Tim gasped for breath and blinked away the tears that were trying to escape.  
'N-no I should go, go, get to the Cave. I need to find Jason. You can meet me there and-'  
'Timothy Drake you are to stay sat on that step do you understand me? I am leaving now. Do you here me getting in the car? Yeah? I'm on my way. I am going to find you sat on that step, you get me?'  
Roy apparently has practice with telling someone to stay put as well. Figures.  
'Fine. Fine okay. I'll stay here. Roy, what's going to happen to Jason? It's all my fault!'  
'Tim, it's okay. I'll find Jason okay? We'll find Jason together. None of this is your fault.'  
Nodding Tim hung up and looked down at the bags at his feet. His eyes fell to the canvas bag full of books, Jason had been so happy to get them.  
Now he was gone.  
Jason had gone.  
Tim didn't have the strength to keep himself from crying.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where oh where did Jason go?  
> Oh where, oh here could he be.

Dick Grayson was the big brother of the Batfamily. He was the glue that held them all together. The open arms that wrapped around his loved ones when they were hurt. Forgiving, no matter what they had done.  
Dick Grayson was dead, or gone at the very least.   
Now, there was no big brother. But there was.  
Fingers digging into the wet brickwork of the Manor's walls, Jason hauled himself up and over. He silently thanked whoever was listening that the Old Man didn't have the security switched on. Clearly he wasn't expecting trouble. Heh.

Frowning, Jason peeped out through the shrubbery and narrowed his eyes at his old home; he could see his window just in front of him. The plan was to break into his old bedroom and find his way to Damian from there. He knew his way around better from that perspective.  
He also had no idea what he would say if he were to knock on the front door.  
'Heya Alfred long time know see. You know Tim? The kid I tried to kill? Well, we've spent the last 24 hours having a heart to heart and now I've realised that I've got to be a big brother because Dick can't. So here I am.'  
Snorting at the idea, Jason shook his head and crept towards his window, running his hand along the walls in search of the foot holes he had used so many years ago.  
Yeah, knocking on the front door would go down like a lead balloon. As if Alfred would believe what he hardly believed himself. In truth he didn't believe it. He just couldn't sit and listen to that dumb book and pretend that he wasn't sat with the wrong brother for a minute longer. Jason also couldn't believe that Tim had fallen for the bathroom ploy. Loser. Even Alvin, the ditzy tech at Arkham, wouldn't fall for that one!

Smirking, he began the climb up to his room. He had to admit, he was a lot smaller and far more nimble the last time he had done this. It wasn't hard to trip the alarm on his window, practice made perfect.  
Clambering inside, Jason's breath hitched and he felt the extreme urge to just turn around and leave. It was like he had only just left.  
He had expected the room to have been turned into a guest room again, or for it to be boxed up and dusty. Instead, his bedroom was clean and as tidy as he left it. As in, exactly, how he had left it.  
Homework still sat on the desk, half completed and now yellowed by the sunlight. His bathrobe still thrown over the foot of his bed after getting dressed that morning. His draws and wardrobe were still open from where his teenage self had packed in haste before running off to Ethiopia. Even, more bizarrely, the vase of flowers sat on the little table by the window looked like the exact same ones that he had bought a few days before, on a whim because he had liked the colours.   
Looking around, Jason felt like a trespasser, that if he waited long enough, a 15 year old Jason would walk back through the door because he'd forgotten something.  
Bruce hadn't erased him. He wasn't forgotten. Bruce had somehow managed to freeze time and, that? That was frightening.

Hitching his breath, Jason closed his eyes tightly and made for the door, storming through the little sitting room that had also been his. Refusing to look up for fear that it too was stuck in time. He needed to get out, his mind, his body, his very being screamed it.  
There was only one way out.  
Through the manor.  
Damian needed him.   
Damian needed a big brother, just like he had, and damn it all Jason would run through his entire past all over again just to get to him.   
Because that's what brothers did.  
It may have taken him a long time to figure that one out.   
He supposed he had now taken Dick's crown for being the world's slowest learner, but Jason had always prided himself on being the Robin who got the gold star for participation.

Coiling his hand around the door handle, Jason attempted to open it before realising that it was locked. Locked?   
His room was never locked? Why was his room locked?  
Oh, right, yes. Jason was dead. Why would he need his room to be kept open? It's not as if his return was expected. That, well that kind of sucked. It wasn't as if he'd only just come back, he'd been knocking around for a while now.  
Sighing, Jason shook those thoughts from his head and crouched down to begin jimmying the lock. Thank God for hairpins and handy jacket pockets.  
It took longer than expected and Jason grit his teeth in frustration. It would be easier to just break down the door but he highly doubted doing something that obvious wouldn't attract unwanted attention. Finally, the lock gave and the door swung open with a slight creek. All that dusting and apparently no one thought to oil his bedroom door.

Peering out into the hallway Jason found it to be deserted. In fact, this entire wing seemed to be soulless which was good. Well, kind of, if the family didn't sleep in this wing. Damian's room was just a couple of doors down. If his brother wasn't there it made finding him in the maze of Wayne Manor would be a headache. He really should have thought this through but that was just how Jason rolled, always jumping the gun.  
Chuckling softly to himself, Jason snuck out of the door, making sure he closed it behind him. A violin playing carried down the hall and Jason frowned and turned towards it. It was coming from Damian's room. The kid played the violin?  
Listening, Jason frowned and cocked his head at the familiar music trying to work out what he was playing.  
'Danse Macarcbe. Camille Saint-Saëns.' He muttered under his breath lifting his gaze to study the door. 'Kid plays damn well.'   
Any other, normal, not crazy person would ask why a boy so young would choose to play such a dark piece. Jason understood more than a normal, not crazy, person would.

Without a word he crept over to the door and turned the handle before slipping inside. The music had stopped.  
Drapes were pulled across the windows, plunging the sitting room into shadows, very unhelpful shadows when trying to locate a small boy.  
'How did you get in here?'  
The cold, biting weight of a katana's blade was pressed against his throat. Ah, there he is.  
'What language would you like me to use Todd? How did you get in here?'  
Smirking, Jason followed the line of the blade to look at the shadowy figure of his little brother.  
'Same way I always did? Through my bedroom window.'  
'You don't HAVE a bedroom here. This is not your home, Mongrel.'  
Snorting, Jason turned his eyes to the ceiling, if he didn't have a sword to his throat he'd have shook his head. Really, why was he even doing this? The kid was a spoilt brat.  
'Well we both know that's a lie. You gonna cut the ninja act or?'  
'I am not a ninja. Now, tell me, why are you here?' Damian bit back through gritted teeth, eyes glinting in the shadows as his anger hit its peak.  
'I just wanna talk kid. Okay? I just wanna talk.'  
'Talk?' Removing his Katana from Jason's neck Damian observed his brother for a long moment before shaking his head and moving off towards his bedroom.  
'I do not require someone to talk to. You may pass on my regards to Father, but I have no interest in conversing with Bedlamites. I just wish to be left alone.'

Alone.  
Lifting his eyes, Jason watched his brother leave the sitting room and go to lie down on his bed. Curling up like a cat with his back to him. He lay down like that too sometimes, he'd spent the last few weeks doing it.   
'To die always seems so lonely, until you come back. To walk once again amongst the living, is the most loneliest fate to bestow on a soul. To know you can never truly go home, that, that is being alone.'   
The words left Jason's mouth without much thought behind them. He just called out to a brother who might, just might understand. The only person who might understand him.  
Damian froze, his little body becoming rigid and Jason held his breath and waited.   
'Have you been reading poetry books again, Todd? Maybe your simple mind could construct a prose about not wanting to hold conversation? It is your forte, your social skills leave much to be desired after all.'  
Stepping quietly into the room, Jason rounded the bed and studied his little brother pensively. The boy understood, he could tell by that far away look in his eyes. He understood the loneliness Jason felt, the constant ache.

Damian was playing him at his own game though. Every metaphorical hand that reached out to him was only going to be bitten off and thrown back into his face.   
Sure he still stood by his theory that Damian would be, functional, eventually. Functional but not okay. The years of pain trying to relearn how to live would leave the boy cold and hard. Alive but never okay. He would never be okay again. He wasn't meant to be here.  
That torment was an agony no one alive could ever truly understand.  
Closing his eyes, Jason clenched his fists tightly. Feeling the blood thrum beneath his fingers.  
He couldn't let Damian go through that. Not like he did.  
Never like he did.  
Dick told him the pain of not being there was greater.  
Listening to Tim speak of his struggle with suicide, he could believe that.  
Jason didn't want that.   
Living was cold and painful enough.  
But what could he do?

Taking a deep breath, Jason did the one thing life post-resurrection had taught him. Dick and the nurses at Arkham had sewn the seeds of the theory. Roy had helped him learn the method. Tim had given him the reasoning behind it.  
The most powerful weapon a human being possessed. The most intimate way to connect with another person. To communicate without words.  
He'd been shown it in that ECT suite, felt it with his friends and finally understood it, today, when he was with his little brother.  
Sometimes words were not needed. Sometimes all you had to do, was hold someone's hand.  
Exhaling slowly,Jason reached for the little hand on the bedsheets. He slipped his palm beneath it, wrapping his large fingers around the thin, bony ones. He felt the warmth of life thrum through the tan skin. A callousness that should not belong on a hand so small, so new to this world still.  
Taking another deep breath, Jason squeezed the hand in his, ran his thumb over the top of the knuckles before finally, lifting his head to look into the boy's jade eyes.  
There was no need for words. Sometimes all you had to do was hold someone's hand.  
A small smile tugged at his lips and he increased the grip. Feeling the air leave his lungs as he exhaled.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, by the boy's bedside, holding his hand. He knew it could be a while. Roy had sat like this with him all night before now. Just waiting.  
A rush of air caught his attention and suddenly the small hand in his squeezed back weakly.  
'Hey Little D.' Jason almost croaked, studying his little brother with wet eyes. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself before daring to speak again. 'It's okay. I don't want to talk either. It's a bad habit.'  
Frowning, Damian uncurled slightly and looked from the hand holding his to his older brother in confusion.  
'That is the reason you gave for your presence, Todd.'  
Nodding Jason screwed up his nose, his thumb stroking the back of Damian's hand mindlessly.  
'Yeah, I did. I lied. It's another bad habit, lying. I have quite a few bad habits.'  
'A few? I pray that you are merely being dramatic and have not only just realised that you are a walking bad habit, Todd!''  
Jason offered him a toothy grin and studied Damian again for a second. Yes he was still being deflective but he was engaged now. Eyes focusing on Jason, trying to work him out. Jason couldn't believe it. Holding his hand worked, he had him!  
A small voice in the back of his head wondered what would have happened if someone had held his hand like this, sooner.

'You were dead, Damian.'   
Jason watched the preteen try to hide the pained wince but he saw it as plain as day.  
'You were dead, Damian. Now you are not. To live again, you need to accept that. You'll be stuck like this otherwise and this? Locking ourselves away, physically or mentally, isn't living.'  
'You said you didn't want to talk, Todd. You are talking.'   
Jason nodded and sighed heavily trying to work out a plan of action in his head. He really should have come up with a plan before coming here.  
'I know. I just I need ya to know okay? I'm not good at talking, I'm not very good at it at all. I just, Bruce doesn't know I'm here.'  
Damian's eyes widened at this, Todd was telling the truth. He could tell by the tears in his brother's eyes that he really was here under his own volition.  
'I shoulda stuck around but I couldn't and I'm sorry. I run away Damian, it's what I do, because I'm a terrible person. I ran away instead of facing you. I wasn't a very good brother, I never have been. I'm sorry okay? I just, after you came back? I can't think straight, the fog came back. Roy had to spoon feed me soup because that's how much I suck at the living thing. Please, Damian I'm sorry for abandoning you and I have no idea what I am doing right now but I can't. You don't have to end up like me.'  
Jason's lament was hard to follow and sloppily put together. Not the practiced well versed lectures Damian was used to getting off his family. The entire thing was a mess, jumping from one idea to another and half the time Damian couldn't tell what Jason was saying he was sorry for. One thing stuck out to him though. Squeezing the hand still holding his, Damian tried to catch his watery eye.  
'You are not a terrible person, Todd. Just lost.'

'Huh?'   
Frowning Jason blinked at him in shock. No, no that didn't sound right. Damian hated him.  
'We may not be good brothers, neither are we blood, but we are still brothers. I respect that.'  
Taking a deep breath, Damian closed his eyes and shook his head.  
'I understand what you are trying to do, Todd. I appreciate the sentiment but I cannot. I simply cannot talk about my d- about.' Cutting himself off, Damian opened his eyes to stare into his brother's.   
He'd never seen them this close before. He could see the hints of the deep blue they had once been. Specks of blue fighting through the teal pit stained iris. He couldn't see any anger in them, just pain. A pain that he realised was his too.  
'Every soul shall taste death. To speak of it seems dishonourable.'  
Most people would not have understood.  
To bare witness to the one unknown fate every soul in the world shared. Damian had never been the religious type but now? Those words he had heard his grandfather's men speak called to him.  
Those teal eyes flickered a little in recognition, Jason understood.  
'Every soul shall taste death. Then to Us will you be returned.'   
Pursing his lips, Jason chuckled a little and swallowed nervously.   
'Heh, doesn't matter which book you read it's all the same. We broke the rules, you and me. We came back.'  
'Is this Jahannam? Am I in Hell?'

The voice was so quiet it was almost as if it were actually spoken by a ghost. Inhaling sharply, Jason took hold of Damian's other hand, squeezing so hard the boy gasped and finally tears began to seep into his eyes.  
'No, Damian. No, you are alive.'  
'How do you know, Todd? You say you were in Hell?' Damian spat back in anger, trying hard to mask the fear which gripped his heart.  
'Because I wasn't!' Jason yelled right back before huffing a breath and turning away. 'I wasn't.' He croaked.  
' All I remember is light, a warm light. I remember peace. A peace I can never feel again. Something dragged me away, dragged me back here. I know I can never go back. I feel it, I know it. If I had to describe my death? I died in fire but, but I was in Heaven, paradise. I was at peace. My God is less forgiving than yours. I can never go back. This isn't Hell Damian because here? Amongst the living? I am so, so cold. All the time. Hell is meant to burn, like the flames which killed me. Now do you see why I never tell anyone? I forgave Bruce before I even died. He is yet to forgive himself and, and if he knew what I know? If Dick or Tim or Roy knew what I was pulled away from? No. It is kinder to just say that I do not remember or that I was in Hell. It is where I am going anyway. No matter what I do.'  
Damian stared, just stared in confusion before shaking his head and turning away.  
'I was resting. Waiting. Almost like I was asleep but not. There was no light, no darkness, no pain either. No time to pass by just, nothing.'

Jason watched a couple of tears drop onto Damian's cheeks and he loosened his iron tight grip on the boy's hands so he could wipe them away.  
'You say this isn't the Hell fire but it hurts. Everything hurts, Todd.'  
'I know.'  
Jason didn't need to elaborate further. He did know. He knew that he was the only person that could say those words to his little brother. God, did he wish that someone had said those word to him. To have someone else know the pain that was impossible to describe, at least, not in words.  
Inhaling sharply, Jason studied Damian for a moment before in long his head slightly in thought.  
'Do you know Madam Ivanov?'  
Frowning Damian nodded and gave him a wary look.  
'Indeed. Mother insisted that I spent a great deal of time in Russia beneath her tutelage. Why?'

Jason grinned and as quick as lightening was hoisting Damian I to his arms and carrying him out of his bedroom.  
'Todd! Put me down! I demand that you put me down!' Damian screeched, fists pummelling his older brother as he was carried bridal style through the manor. Damn it all, why did his super powers have to wear off?  
'Jason where are you taking me?'  
Jostling his brother to gain a better grip, Jason's grin grew even wider and he broke into a half jog.  
'We don't need words.'  
'What? Todd this is kidnap'  
'We don't need words, Damian. To express the pain we don't need words.'  
At that moment, Damian resigned to the fact that his psychotic brother was clearly having some sort of breakdown and resigned himself to his fate. After all what was the worst that could happen? He'd already died.  
'We're going to the ballroom Little D.' Jason's claimed as they descended the grand staircase two steps at a time.  
'Why?'  
'Because I know Madam Ivanov too. She doesn't just teach you how to kill effectively. We don't need words.'


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well... I couldn't leave Timmy alone on the steps now could I??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here it is, finally!   
> The next chapter!
> 
> Apologies for the long delay xx

Everything was too bright, too loud.  
Vision oddly curving around the edges and his chest ached as if starved from oxygen, despite logic dictating that if that were true he'd be dead.  
Gasping, Tim forced open his eyes again to try and locate anyone that he recognised as safe but couldn't focus on the faces.  
Faces, there were so many starting to crowd around him.  
Tim wasn't innocent to panic attacks, which he kept assuring himself this was. This state of being wasn't new and he knew he wasn't dying, he wasn't.  
'Mr Drake-Wayne? Are you alright, Sir?'

Tim opened his mouth to tell the featureless faces that it was fine, he wasn't dying, but it was as if someone had him by the throat and there was a heaviness pressing down in the centre of his chest. Despite his best efforts, no sound left him, forcing him to just gape at the onlookers desperately.   
He knew what this was. He knew this feeling of being locked somewhere else, trapped inside his own private glass box unable to reach out to those trying to help him.  
'Mr Drake-Wayne!'  
It's Tim.  
He screamed inside his head.  
Those names don't mean anything. Those names won't help me.  
No one heard him scream though. It was silent to the outside world. Just a panicked wide eyed gaze thrown up at them.  
'Mr Drake-Wayne!'  
The name seemed to repeat over and over again, overlapping and twisting, tightening around his head like a vice. Hands were on him now, pulling, tugging him deeper into a swirl of noise and painfully bright light.

'Tim? Tim!'  
'Alright back up! Back up!'  
'I said move it bozo!'  
'Tim!'  
'It's Arsenal!'  
A voice declared somewhere by his head and Tim wasn't a hundred percent sure if that was him or someone else?  
Gasping, Tim gazed around his distorted world, desperate for air, desperate to see someone safe.  
Roy suddenly burst through the faces, a blur of red but his face, unlike everything else was sharp and clear.  
Clawing his hands out in front of him, Tim fought. Scrabbled to prise his way out of the glass box. Get to Roy.  
'Tim.'   
Suddenly, firm hands encircled his frantic ones and a heavy hush hovered just above Tim's shoulders. Closing his eyes, Tim reached for it.

The hands encircling his tightened. Roy's voice filtered through his invisible wall.  
'Breathe Tim.'  
He couldn't. Didn't Roy know that he couldn't? He was dying.  
'Tim, can you hear me dude? Nod if you can hear me, Tim.'  
Nod. He could do that.  
Not daring to open his eyes, Tim felt himself nod slowly in response.  
'Awesome, Tim. You're doing good Tim 'kay? Now breathe, blow up a balloon for me, Tim.'  
A balloon?  
What balloon?  
Feeling his brow crease in confusion, Tim opened his eyes, the sound of his name being repeated slowly pulling him back from, wherever he was.  
Roy was knelt in front of him, hands in his, his face contorted bizarrely.  
'Come on Tim. Blow up the balloon with me, Tim.'  
As if a switch had been flicked on. Roy's odd instruction made sense. He watched Roy's cheeks puff out and his mouth made a blowing shape.

Nodding, Tim took a deep breath. His chest heaving as if breaking from what was binding it.  
Slowly, he copied the man's movements. Helping him blow up the balloon.  
Oxygen finally filled up his lungs, the relief drawing a small cry from his lips.  
'That's it Tim. Keep blowing up that balloon for me.' Roy praised, squeezing his hands to keep him with him.  
Tim could breathe and painfully slowly, his glass box dissolved into the air now filling his lungs. Lights and sounds filtering away to the heavy hush that now settled over his shoulders like a blanket.  
Eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks as he raised his head to finally look at Roy, wishing that he could see his face through the mask.  
'Arsenal.'  
His voice didn't sound like his own. It was deep, raspy.   
'Hey there, Tim. You're okay. I gots ya.' Roy spoke softly, reaching out a hand with a gentle smile.  
Reality smacked Tim in the face like a slap from a cheated lover. Blinking, he turned his head to see his large collection of onlookers, the tell tale camera flash of the press. His chest tightened again.  
'Oh no.' He whimpered, tears brimming in his eyes to know, just know this would be broadcast on the evening news and printed all over the morning papers.   
Following, Tim's gaze, Roy scowled and him and his hands were gone.   
Tim was alone again.  
Gasping, his eyes scanned his surroundings again, searching for Roy desperately.  
Please don't leave me too.

'Does this look like a damn party to you?'   
Came a familiar roar and Tim stilled in shock.  
Roy had a member of the press by the collar, the camera smashed unceremoniously on the floor.  
Throwing the man down next to his broken equipment, Roy turned to level the growing crowd with a very heavy glare and everyone seemed to take an instinctive step backwards.  
'A world where we have Netflix and you're all here? Watching someone in distress like it's a soap opera.' Grimacing as if he tasted something foul, Roy spat on the floor in front of him. 'It is true what they say, Gotham is sick. Everyone of you listen and listen good. Go home. Now. Anything about Mr Drake-Wayne hits the news, social media, newspapers, hell if I hear your granny gossip about it? I will hunt you down and you will answer to me, got it?'  
Most people with more than half a brain cell, quickly dispersed in hushed whispers and wary glances. Even Batman didn't speak to them like that.  
'Arsenal!'  
A microphone was shoved in his face and Roy gazed at the woman in front of him, wondering if she was tapped or just plain stupid.  
'Arsenal, if you're in Gotham does that mean the Red Hood is here too? Are the citizens of Gotham in danger? Why come to Mr Drake-Wayne's aid?'  
A dark, threatening smile crept across Roy's face and he watched the woman gulp.  
'Carry on pissing me off Sweetheart, it ain't the Red Hood you gotta worry about.' Roy replied with a sweet tone that didn't match his words, which somehow made them all the more terrifying. 'Now fuck off before my fuse blows and trust me Sweetheart, my fuse is very short. Just ask your colleagues in Star City'  
The woman paled.  
Without a word she stepped back before turning tail and fleeing with her cameraman not far behind her.

'Arsenal!'  
Turning sharply, Roy gaped at Tim stumbling to his feet before dashing over and slipping an arm around his waist.   
'Tim? You okay buddy? I got you. They're gone. Everyone's gone.'  
Nodding, Tim gazed around the deserted library steps in bewilderment before staring back up at Roy.  
'Y-You scared Vicky Vale! N-no one can scare her. Not even Batman.'  
'I ain't Batman, Timmy. I'm missing the pointy ears and emotional constipation.' Roy shot back, with a boyish grin before bending down to pick up the canvas bag of books with a defeated groan.  
'Aw man, really dude? I help your sorry ass and you thank me by getting Jaybird books? Do you hate me that much? Now he's braved the library, ain't nothing gonna convince him to leave it alone.'  
Tim's lips twitched upwards and he leant into Roy's supporting weight as he was guided down the steps and down a neighbouring alley.  
'That was my plan. He can't leave me now. Or, that's what I thought.'

Tim meant to carry on the humour but the words hurt as they left his lips and tears dropped onto his cheeks. Silently, he allowed Roy to open the car door and fasten him into the front seat.  
'I-I lost Jay. H-he left me. I called and-'  
'Sssh, enough Tim.' Roy chided gently, before starting up the engine and pulling away. Casting a glance in Tims direction, he nodded towards his jacket pocket. 'Text him. Jaybird don't always answer if you call him. Text him.'  
Swallowing thickly, Tim wiped his cheeks and dug around for his phone. 'What do I say?'  
'Tell him I'm pissed off big style.' Roy ground out, throwing Tim a look he swore had a protectiveness to it.   
Frowning, Tim stared at the blank text not overly sure what to write. He couldn't say that Roy was pissed off because, well, he didn't really know why? Unless he was just annoyed at having his afternoon off cut short to play cat and mouse. Deciding something was better than nothing he just started typing.

'J? U ok? Just let me know ur safe. Roy's cross, I'm sry I had 2 call him. Tim x'

Sitting back, Tim closed his eyes and left his phone on his lap, not entirely convinced he'd get a response if Jason wasn't answering his calls. He'd been so, so stupid. He'd let Jason lead him on a merry dance, believed the stories Jason had spun for him. His gut had told him that it was all a game, that his brother didn't open up like that. Jesus, he'd told Jason about-  
Squeezing his eyes tighter shut, Tim slammed a fist into the car door.   
'Woah, easy buddy, easy! We'll find Jay okay? No need to take it out on the car.' Roy chided, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as the kid started to make very ugly sobbing sounds. 'Please Timbers, hey come on. It's okay. Jaybird does stuff like this all the time.'  
'I know. Stupid. I was so stupid to believe him, I fell for it.'  
'You weren't to know about the bathroom trick.'  
'I wasn't talking about the fucking bathroom!'  
Blinking, Roy nodded slowly and shot a final look at the sobbing teenager before cursing and turning sharply right.  
'Flipping arsehole I swear to God.'

Tim didn't really notice where they were going, he just stared blindly out of the window and cried quietly to himself. He didn't want to annoy Roy too much.  
His phone beeped in his lap just as they pulled up outside Pauli's.  
Not caring to really look at the sender, he opened the text expecting it to be Kon or someone.

'Ya, I'm good. Thnx for 2day. Do it again sumtime? Can I grab my books l8r? Tell Roy to fuck off. J xx'

Tim stared at the text message in complete and utter bewilderment. It was as if they had parted on good terms, and not that he'd just poured his damn heart out to Jason only for him to bail on him.   
Before he had chance to even try and figure his enigma for a brother out, the car door was opening.  
'Come on Timbers.'  
Swallowing, Tim looked from his phone to Roy, who was now in civvies. How long had he stared at the phone for?.  
'Um, this is a diner? Jay's not here Roy?'  
Snorting, Roy tugged him out of the car with practiced ease and shepherded him into Pauli's. Pushing him lightly down into a booth, Roy disappeared again, before reappearing with two coffees and sitting down himself.  
'Alright, spill. What did the asshole do to upset ya?'  
'This isn't going to help find him. We're wasting time.' Tim protested, despite sipping the coffee regardless.  
'Yeah, no. Jaybird's a big boy and the reason why he ran off has something to do with you. What did he do Tim?'  
'Is running out on me not enough reason?' Tim screeched, almost sending coffee flying across the table. 'I trusted him. He made me trust him and then just tricked me. I should have known. Stupid!'  
Pursing his lips, Roy took a sip of his own coffee with a thoughtful hum and watched the traffic passing outside.  
'You two been talking a lot. Did he tell you his secrets?'  
'I thought he had.' Tim replied, feeling tears brim in his eyes, that familiar pang of betrayal. 'I told him mine. He tricked me.'

Shaking his head, Roy turned away from the window and gave Tim a solemn stare.  
'What did he tell you?'  
Tim opened his mouth, intending to let the older man know every single manipulative word his brother had said to lure him in but, couldn't. Jason had trusted him. That felt genuine still. Telling even Roy seemed, wrong.  
'I-I can't.' Tim admitted, dropping his gaze and sipping timidly from his coffee. None of this made sense.  
'Then he was telling you the truth, Timothy. Jason doesn't take secrets lightly. They are important to him, even the bad ones.'  
'Like, like what happened to him before Robin? That was true?' Tim asked warily, lifting his eyes to study Roy closely. 'That stuff that happened. When you thought B hurt Jay? He told you his big secret, didn't he?'  
Nodding slowly, Roy became fascinated by his coffee, fingers running over the warm surface before finally meeting Tim's eyes with one word.  
'Uncle.'  
Nodding, Tim swallowed and glanced down at his own coffee.   
'G-guess that wasn't a lie then?'   
'Believe me Timothy, I wish it fucking was.'  
Tim could believe that one. Just from his experience he knew the lasting impacts something like that had on a person. Jason was hard work to live with and then that on top?  
He really had no idea how Roy even managed to function, and that's excluding the man's own demons. Roy was hardy the model of mental health himself but then, Tim supposed that was a little hypocritical.  
Reminded of his own history, Tim chewed the inside of his cheek, lost in his own thoughts. Maybe Jason hadn't lied to him, but he had tricked him. Why? If not as some cruel game to gain blackmail material, why trick him like that?

'Tim, I don't know what you said and I don't need to. What you disclosed to Jason was you're own business not mine. Just, trust me, he didn't mean to do this.'  
'Seems pretty premeditated to me Roy!' Tim snapped, anger starting to replace the remnants of anxiety in his belly. 'Don't make excuses for him.'  
'I'm not! I want to wring his damn neck for treating you like that.' Roy assured him, his voice still oddly calm. 'Jay can be mean, spiteful, selfish. The times he's runout on me, said mean and down right hurtful things to my face.' Cutting off, Roy looked away with a sigh. He looked so sad, sad and so very tired. 'I'm not saying he don't know what he's doing because he does, he does it-'  
'It what?'   
Downing the dregs of his coffee, Roy ran a hand down his face, and it was only then Tim realised the man had been crying.  
'It's more complicated than that.'  
'What?' Tim's frown grew and he shook his head in bewilderment, confused by his feelings, confused by Jason, and now, confused as to why the man sat before him was even with his brother. 'Th-that's not okay. Why are you making excuses for him?'

He'd never thought of Roy bearing the brunt of Jason's darker side, the same side which had driven a Batarang into his chest. Raising a hand subconsciously to rub the scar beneath his clothing, he supposed he'd never thought of himself as a victim either.  
Shrugging, Roy wiped at his eyes again and leant back in his seat.  
'I dunno, guess I'm just a serial apologist?' He cracked a half hearted smile at his dark humour, before quickly correcting himself with a heavy sigh when Tim didn't get the joke. 'I'm hardly an angel. Hurt people, hurt people. Especially with mine and Jay's history.'  
'That's not an excu-'  
'Jaybird struggles with his temperament at the best of times. He gets preoccupied by thoughts and ideas, acts on impulse. He struggles socially, finds it hard to view things from another perspective besides his own, especially when he's not well.'  
The statement slammed into Tim's face like a bucket of ice cold water. Besides his little hiccup about the bus, the odd statement about heaven, his brother had seemed fairly stable. He thought back to his panic attack, how he'd been more dismayed at the realisation that people had seen him. Jason had been putting on a front, tapping into Bruce's relentless training, hiding behind a public persona to hide the truth. Outside, he presented as being fine when deep down he really wasn't. That was the lie Tim's instincts had been picking up on, he'd just confused it with the credibility of what his brother had disclosed to him. That was the lie, Jason's persona not his words. Why would he want to hide from him? He'd of understood, did he mean that little to Jason?  
Useless.

'Jason's relapsed.'  
'A little.' Roy confirmed, gazing back down at his empty cup, as if wishing it would magically refill. 'Damian's death, seeing him brought back to life like that. It wasn't easy on him. He knows stuff about that shit neither of us will ever understand. That's on top of what Bruce did to him before that? Well-'  
'Huh?'   
Roy froze, gaping at Tim in disbelief, unable to process that the kid didn't know. Dick had apparently known but then he was meant to be dead, so maybe he had access to sources? Due to having a moral compass that didn't allow him to hurt his loved ones by faking his death, Roy didn't really have first hand experience with that one.  
'B, he erm, well he didn't deal with Damian's death well-'  
'Understatement' Tim groused, remembering the fiasco with Grundy. 'He was adamant he'd find a way to bring the demon child back.'  
'Yeah, well, he manipulated Jay. Made him believe he wanted to work a mission with him. He-he took him back to Ethiopia Tim, back to the Magadala Valley. Forced him to relive what happened in the hopes of learning the secret to Jay's resurrection.' Roy's lips curled over in disgust and Tim didn't miss how his hand fisted by his side. 'As if Jaybird fucking knows that.'

There was a long silence. The only sound the muffled background chatter, the clashing of cutlery, the hiss of the steamer on the coffee machine. Tim just stared feeling like he was floating above reality almost. He couldn't process all this, he just, couldn't.  
'I-I erm, I need to go.' Tim finally managed to vocalise, swallowing thickly he looked out at the bustling street for another moment of silence. 'I need to find Jay then, then I'm gonna go, go away.'  
'Tim?'   
Tim knew that deep timbre of concern. It mainly came from Bruce or from Dick when he'd been alive. Lifting his head he tried to offer Roy a smile but failed miserably.  
'Home. I'm, I'm gonna go home.'  
Nodding, Roy shot him a look that seemed almost like disbelieving concern, before nodding slowly and moving to get up from the booth.  
'Alright. Come on, I think I know where he's gone.'  
'Where?'  
'Home.'  
Blinking, Tim thought at first that Roy meant their home, his and Jason's, before it slowly dawned on him.  
'The manor? Why would he go there?'

Smirking, Roy shoved a couple of bills beneath his cup and motioned for Tim to follow him.  
'Di-someone got into his head. Harping on about being a big brother. He's been pretty preoccupied by it. My guess is, Jaybird's trying to be whatever he's decided the definition of a big brother is.'  
Tim hummed at this and followed Roy dutifully out of the diner and back to the car.  
He did feel a whole lot calmer now.  
Roy was good at talking.  
However, Tim could not shake the reasoning out of his head.   
How could Jason be trying to be a big brother when he'd just abandoned him?  
Did he not count as a brother?  
That, that hurt more than the Batarang to the chest ever had.


End file.
